"Never Too Young? Misleading Our Girls About Beauty"

Read this article from Al Mohler's blog. He describes where our culture is headed towards with regards to what young girls are being taught concerning beauty.

http://www.albertmohler.com/blog_read.php?id=1106

Gospel Growth through Hospitality

Two weeks ago we had the privilege of having one of our neighbors over for dinner. His name is Don. He is an 80 year old man whose wife passed away about 5 years ago. I remember when we first sought to build a relationship with this man and his wife. We had only one child at the time and we went to their house during the 2000 Christmas season to share some Christmas cookies in the hopes of building a relationship with them. He and his wife were so appreciative. And to top it off my 2 year old daughter at the time sang three Christmas carols that was piercing to the ear, but they loved it and it melted their heart. Since then we have continued to build a relationship with Don and have had the opportunity on different occasions to share the gospel with him. But he is a skeptical man. He reads his Bible as a literature book and with a critical eye. Since his wife passed away our family would have him over for dinner on a regular basis. And during the course of dinner our conversation would lead towards a discussion about the Scriptures. He would usually raise a question about the character of God, namely in how God is seen in the Old Testament. And I, in turn, would eventually take our discussion to the story of the gospel. At this moment is when he would get most critical and condescending. My children would listen to him (with eyes wide open) sentence by sentence mock the story of Christ. In their minds they were probably thinking, “How could this man say such things about something we hold on to so dearly?”

We have been gone for nearly 2 ½ years while I was attending The Master’s Seminary in Southern California, and had lost contact with Don. However, during the Snow Storm 2008, I had the privilege of rekindling our relationship with him as we were both shoveling our driveways. As we stood at his newly shoveled driveway, I asked him, how he was doing. And the first thing he said was, “I haven’t had a regular meal with meat and potatoes in a long time.” Sadly, my thoughts initially didn’t go towards asking Don to come over for dinner. I actually started thinking about how I didn’t want to have him sit at our dinner table because he would probably mock the story of the gospel. And then my heart was suddenly convicted, that’s exactly why we need to have him over for dinner. So I asked him if he would like to come over that week and he said yes. I told my family that I had invited Don for dinner, and we all took a deep sigh (even the kids). As we anticipated sitting with Don at the dinner table this actually drove us as a family to our knees to pray for him. That week, we prayed that our aim would be to show him the love of Christ through our hospitality. We didn’t want to get in some kind of debate over something we hashed through in the past. We simply wanted to give him the best meat and potatoes meal so that he would sense that we genuinely loved him with the love of Christ. LaNae and the kids made a great meal, and we actually had an enjoyable time with him. We found out that he is a Civil War buff. In fact, this sparked Cade’s interest because he is taking a class right now on the Civil War. He invited Cade and me to come over his house some time to look at his Civil War collection, which we plan to do some time. He made an attempt to bring the Bible into our conversation during the course of dinner in a rather skeptical way, but I had resolved to simply display the love of Christ to him through our actions. He heard the gospel before on many occasions, and we realized that it wasn’t going to be more information that would penetrate the heart of this man, but rather more actions.

The evening ended and we felt like not much had changed with regards to Don’s heart towards spiritual things, but we were ok with that. We know that in the Lord’s time He will work on Don’s heart. We will continue to pray for him and continue to have him over regularly for meals.

Teaching your children difficult doctrines

This week we are studying Romans 9 in our small groups as well as in our Sunday school classrooms. I often find it hard to teach such a difficult doctrine as the doctrine of election to my children. When you mention to them that God chooses whom He wishes to choose into His family there is a bit of confusion that is seen in their eyes. And then when they follow up that confused look with, “Daddy, doesn’t God love everyone?” This was the conversation that took place last night during our family devotions. My reply to the follow up question was, “Yes, yes, God does love everyone!” But the follow up question wasn’t asked, “why doesn’t He choose everyone then?” But I realized why the follow up question wasn’t asked. Children are able to take what the Scriptures teach at face value. Often times we are the ones who limit them from diving into the depths of Scripture because we think that they will not get it or somehow we will confuse them even more. So last night I asked a question, “Is God merciful?” To which my children responded, “Yes.” Then I asked, “Is God sovereign over whom he chooses?” They replied, “Yes.” Then I asked, “Is God merciful when he chooses some and not others.” And they said, “Yes.” They believe it because it’s what Paul teaches in Romans 9 to 11. Why do we need to be afraid to teach difficult doctrines to our children? The response our children need to see and hear from us is summed up in the words of Paul in Romans 11:33-36. When Paul reflected on the wondrous work of God in saving sinners from His wrath, he replied, “O, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! ‘For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?’” That’s what our children need to see and hear. They need moms and dads who worship God for the infinite display of His worth in showing mercy to undeserved sinners like you and me.

Leaving a Spiritual Legacy for the Next Generation

This past Sunday I had the privilege preaching on Sunday morning. Since coming on staff to FBC as the Family and Children’s pastor, I have taken the time to meditate on Psalm 78:1-8. This is the passage of Scripture that we wave around as the banner passage for Family and Children’s ministry and it is the passage that I constantly go back to when I want to be reminded about what I must leave behind for my own children. We are called to leave behind a spiritual legacy so that the next generation sets their hope and confidence in a God who saves. This passage reminded me that when I instruct my children whether it be formal Bible instruction, informal everyday instruction, and in corrective instruction, I need to constantly remind them of the gospel. The gospel is not only the hope for unbelievers, but it is the hope for believers as well. The gospel that saves is the gospel that sanctifies. This passage also reminded me of ways that I might be concealing the glorious deeds, the mighty works, and the wondrous works of God from my children. What are the glorious deeds, mighty works, and wondrous works of God? Again, it is the gospel. These three phrases describe the totality of God’s work in redeeming His people. It describes His salvation. We could say it is a description of the most infinite display of God’s glory, namely the cross. What are ways in which we might conceal the glory of the cross from our children? I came up with a several thoughts.

1. When we get more excited about peripheral things than the cross (i.e. sporting events, scrap booking, decoration, a big house, a nice car, etc…)


2. When they don’t see mom and dad regularly studying their Bibles and quiet times with the Lord.


3. When we fail to extend mercy when correcting them or administering discipline. (The gospel is all about mercy towards us. God demonstrated justice on His Son so that we would be recipients of mercy. Therefore, should not the recipient of mercy be the first to extend mercy.)


4. When we fail to recognize evidence of grace (or the fruit of the Spirit) in their lives. (This is a clear indication of God’s work of grace in their lives; therefore we must constantly affirm them of that grace when we recognize it.)


5. When we fill our weekly schedule with so much activity that we have no time to formally instruct our children in the word of God (aka – Family Devotions)


6. When gathering with the saints on Sunday morning is not the highlight of our week.


7. When we fail to serve together as a family.

I’m sure there are more, and as I meditate on this a little more, I trust that the Lord will bring things to mind that will challenge my heart.

Getting Ready for Sunday

Sunday morning, “the Lord’s Day”, should be the highlight to every believer’s week. It should be the day that we all look forward to the most because it is the one day in the week that the church is gathered corporately to hear God’s word and to engage in fellowship with the saints. A.W. Tozer said,

The highest expression of the will of God in this age is the church which He purchased with His own blood.

Paul said in Ephesians 3:10, …through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. All of God’s heavenly hosts are watching how the church functions because in this organism they see and behold the wisdom of God continually unfolding right before their eyes. If the church is that significant to the angelic realm, should it then not be that much more significant for us who are a part of God’s church.

Our children’s view of Sunday morning is shaped by how we view the gathering of believers on Sunday. If our view of the Lord’s Day is something we simply tack on to the end of our weekend, then our children will grow up with the “I can take or leave it” attitude regarding the church. How we prepare them for Sunday morning worship (on Saturday night) affects their perspective on this meaningful gathering. My concern is that our Saturday’s are so full of activities that by the end of the day we are exhausted, that all we can think about is getting everyone to bed after a late Saturday night event. Therefore when Sunday morning comes we merely roll out of bed, wash the sleep from your eyes, make a mad dash to get everyone up, maybe grab a small bite to eat, get the car started, and perhaps get to church on time.

About 10 years ago, I heard someone make the following statement; Sunday morning worship begins Saturday night. Then it dawned on me, I have a responsibility to prepare my family for the Lord’s Day. This means that Saturday nights, on a regular basis, must be used to help my wife and children get their focus on what we will be learning on Sunday morning. This means I have responsibility to talk to my children about the Bible passage they will be studying in Bible School. This means finding out what the teaching pastor will covering in his sermon. This means taking the time to pray as a family for all the ministries of Sunday morning. This means praying for any unbelievers who might be attending the service. This means praying that our hearts would be ready to hear God’s word and then apply it. This means reflecting on the substitutionary atonement of Christ on the Sunday’s we are planning on celebrating the Lord’s Table. And this means going to bed at a reasonable time so that we are not fighting sleep as we’re being fed God’s word.

As parents we set the tone for how our children view the church. Let us not hinder them by having a low view of the gathering of believers on Sunday mornings.

Super Bowl Sunday

This Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday has become a holiday-like event we celebrate in our culture. In fact its popularity is so widespread that over the past 15 to 20 years it has become an international phenomenon. But the popularity of the event is not necessarily the game, but rather the commercial ads that are produced by the "creative" minds of our day. This Sunday many will be glued to their television to not only watch "the big game" but also be entertained by the commercials. MSNBC recently wrote an article that said this about the commercial ads for this coming Super Bowl:

When it comes to Super Bowl advertisements, sleaze sells. This Sunday will likely feature sexual innuendos, bodily functions, crotch injuries, erectile dysfunction talk and various combinations of the four.

I know that their will be many Christian husbands, fathers, single men, women, and children who will be watching the same commercial ads. The same homes who allow their children to watch only rated PG movies will be sitting side by side with their children watching a 30 second rated R sound bite disguised as a commercial ad. The same single man who says that he refuses to watch rated R movie is enjoying a 30 second NC-17 clip masquerading as a TV ad. How can we justify exposing our minds with sexual innuendos when Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 4:4 that the will of God is that we abstain from sexual immorality? Have we become so desensitized to the immorality in our culture that we refuse to heed to the Apostle Paul’s exhortation to put to death…what is earthly…sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire… (Colossians 3:5). Paul also instructs us in Ephesians 5 to "Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking which are out of place..." Did not Solomon, in Proverbs 5 (the wisest man that ever lived, apart from Jesus) warn his son not to be lured by the seduction of the adulteress, but to only be intoxicated always with his wife’s love? There are reasons for such exhortations, namely, that God does not want our minds to be set on anything that dishonor him.My aim in raising this issue is not to put an end to all TV watching. My aim is not to place a guilt trip on those who enjoy watching Sports on television. My aim is to simply remind us what the Scripture calls believer's to be. We are called to a life of holiness. Not in a self-righteous sense. Paul makes it clear in Romans 6 our position in Christ serves as the fuel to a holy life. The grace of God poured out in the death of His son is the impetus for holy living. Or to put it another way, the gospel should compel us to live in a manner that pleases the Lord. Enjoy the game. Get together with friends, but don't forget who you are in Christ. Don't forget the gospel.

"Praying Scripture for Your Children"

I read this article my wife wrote for the "Encourager" and thought that I would post it on this blog because it is critical both for mom and dad to be faithful in praying Scripture for their children. Enjoy!!!

Is your prayer life all that it could be? Or has your prayer life become a little stale…dry… routine? I know I’ve struggled off and on with my daily prayer life. That is why I have been so excited about a new book I’ve been reading. It’s entitled Praying Scripture for your Children by Jodie Berndt. It has challenged and encouraged me to be praying more specific, biblical, God-honoring prayers for my kids.
Of course, I pray regularly for my kids, mainly that they will follow the Lord and that they will marry godly spouses. And I pray for specific character issues as they arise...but often my prayers for them have lacked urgency or any kind of vision as to what God wants to do in and through them. It seems that my morning prayers often turn out to be little more than a sleepy "…And God bless Kailyn, Cade, Claire, and Kyle...” Wait a minute, I say, as I rouse myself, there's no one in this family named Kyle..." This book is divided into 5 parts, each focusing on one area to pray for in your children's lives: their faith, character, safety, relationships and future. Within these 5 chapters are a number of sections that include many verses that can be used as prayers. For example, in the chapter about your child's faith, the author has a section on "praying for your child to promote God's kingdom." One verse she has listed is Romans 1:16. She has turned this verse into a prayer this way: "Lord, let _________ never be ashamed of the gospel, but let her recognize that it is the power of God for salvation for everyone who believes." Simple, yet profound. Actually, I was challenged to be praying for my husband, Roland, more specifically (and fervently) as well, especially as he begins his new pastoral role. So the other morning during my quiet time I sat down with my prayer journal and wrote out many verses, inserting his name when appropriate:

ll Timothy 4: 2-5 “Lord, help Roland to faithfully preach and teach the word and be prepared, both in season and out of season; let him correct, rebuke and encourage with great patience and careful instruction…

l Peter 4:10-11 “Lord, help Roland to use his gifts to serve others, faithfully administering your grace in its various form, so that in all things You will be praised and the body of Christ will be built up…

Colossians 3:23 “Lord, I pray that whatever Roland does that he will work at it with all his heart as working for the Lord, and not for man.”

We, as wives and mothers, long for God’s blessing on our families. And by God”s grace, He has given us the great privilege of praying for our families as a means to accomplish this. Praying Scripture will help us to align our deepest desires for them with God’s will for them laid out in His word. When we pray Scripture we can be assured that we are praying the Lord’s will-praying prayers that the Lord delights in answering.

"Common Sense" is not so "Common"

Have you ever wondered why “common sense” is called “common sense”? There is actually not one thing “common” about “common sense. Recently, I was instructing one of my children on the fine art of cutting a piece of meat with a knife. And it dawned on me. One would think that someone could take a steak knife and see how it is designed and then use it successfully. But as I proceeded to instruct my child on the skills of using this fine culinary tool, I realized this is something we will have to revisit over a period of weeks, months and perhaps a few more years. Therefore, I’ve come up with a list of things that we think are common sense but in actuality things that need to be taught with much patience and perseverance.

• Washing your hands before a meal.


• Not running out in the middle of a busy street.


• How to hold a fork at the dinner table.


• Turning your head to one side while holding a taco upright when eating it, so that the meat doesn’t spill onto their lap


• Leaning forward slightly when spooning up a spoonful of soup to their mouth, so that the soup spills into their bowl and not onto their lap.


• Not starting monopoly 5 minutes before it’s time to leave for an outing.


• Not putting on snow gloves before zipping up the snow jacket.


• Not putting on snow gloves before slipping on snow boots.


• Going to the bathroom when your bladder feels full.


• Blowing your nose onto a tissue paper when “stuff” is starting to seep out of your nose.


• How to load the dishwasher.


• Helping your 18 month sister sit up when she is submerged under water in the bath tub.


• Turning the dead bolt lock in the opposite direction of the door jamb before attempting to open it.


• Not running on concrete that is sheeted with ice.


• Not placing an object into an outlet.


• Pulling up your sleeves before reaching across the table.

My conclusion is that common sense is not so common. It actually has to be taught. These are few that come to mind feel free to add to the list as you come up with them.

Speaking the Gospel to our Children

I am so thankful to be studying through Paul’s letter to the Romans in both our adult small group and in the children’s ministry Bible School. What a privilege it is to devote 12 lessons in our Sunday School curriculum to Paul’s letter to the Romans. This book is gospel centered. It explains the gospel of Jesus Christ from the moment God declares a believer righteous in Christ (justification), to the day by day, moment by moment transformation into the likeness of Christ (sanctification), to the final day of redemption when we receive our new glorified bodies that will no longer battle with walking in the flesh versus walking in the Spirit (glorification). That’s the gospel. And it is something we need to remind ourselves of each day as well as bring to the minds of our children each day. Early this week I was asked a “how to” question about disciplining children. I listened to the question and the various comments that came with the question and then I asked this person, “Do you speak the gospel to your children during the process of discipline?” To which this person asked, “How do you speak the gospel to your children during discipline?” So I proceeded to tell him that when my children were younger (2-5) here’s the process of discipline we went through. First we would ask our child, “What did you do wrong?” Second, we would ask, “What does the ______ (a Bible passage) say about what you did wrong?” At this age our children usually committed something along the lines of disobeying their parents, complaining and arguing, or not being kind to one another (all of which the Bible addresses: Ephesians 6:1-2; Philippians 2:14; and Ephesians 4:32, respectively). And O, how they had these passages memorized. Thirdly, we would ask them, “When you disobey who does the Bible say you are disobeying?” To which they responded, “God.” Fourth, after they acknowledge their disobedience to God, I would ask them, “What must daddy do because you disobeyed God?” They would then respond, “Spank me.” Fifth, I would ask, “If daddy doesn’t spank you then what is daddy doing?” They would then say, “Disobeying God.” Sixth, I would ask, “Do you want daddy to disobey God?” And thankfully (by God’s grace) they always answered “no.” Then I would tell them how many spankings they would get and after their spanking we would hug. I would tell them how much I love them, and then we would pray. As I look back on those early years of parenting there was one thing I realize now that I should have reiterated over and over during the discipline process. I should have reminded them that their disobedience to God shows that they need a Savior, for without the Savior, Jesus Christ, they will always want to disobey God. This truth is not only for salvation. It is a truth that we need to remind ourselves if we are going to grow in sanctification. Pointing our children to their need for a Savior isn’t just for the preschool age. It’s for all of life. They need to be pointed to the Savior during their school age years. They need to be directed to the Savior during their teenage years. They need to be pointed to the Savior during their college years. The mercy and grace of God is our hope (and the hope of our children) in this life and it will be our hope in the life to come in eternity. As John Newton wrote in that classic hymn, “Amazing Grace” – “When we’ve been there (in heaven) ten thousand years bright shining as the sun, we’ve no less days to sing God’s praise then when we’ve first begun.” We will forever give God praise for his mercy and grace; for the Lamb of God who was slain. And when we think of the gospel, our hearts should be overwhelmed with the mercy and grace God chose to pour out upon us when all we deserved was His holy wrath. That's what we need to speak to our children regardless of what stage they are in life.

Here’s the lyrics to a song we sang this morning in our Sunday School. It’s from the Awesome God CD that Sovereign Grace Ministries put out. It’s a great way to remind children (and adults) our daily need for a Savior.

No one is good

No one is holy before God

I need someone to cleanse me

No one is pure

No one is righteous in Your sight

I need someone to save me

But I’m so glad You died and rose again

For helpless sinners like me

(Chorus)

What a mighty mighty Savior You are

What a mighty mighty Savior You are

You can wash away my sin

You can change my heart within

What a might, mighty Savior You are

Sin is too strong

For me to conquer on my own

I need someone to help me

I am too weak

I cannot change my evil heart

I need someone to save me

But I’m so glad You died and rose again

For helpless sinners like me.

"I put your bears to bed"

My son (Cade) went to a basket ball game with his grandpa this evening. He left right before dinner time and didn’t get back home until 10:00pm at night. We don’t make it a normal habit of allowing our 8 year old to stay out til 10pm but this evening was acceptable because he was with grandpa. He left for the game without saying goodbye to his younger sister, Claire. When we called her to come upstairs for dinner she realized that there was one person missing, her brother. Her countenance is usually jovial, but after realizing that her brother had left without saying good bye, her smile quickly turned to sadness. All throughout dinner and during our evening activities she couldn’t hold back the tears. She kept saying, “I miss Cade.” “Goodness,” I thought, “he’s only gonna be gone for a few hours.” But in her mind it was lifetime. She went to bed tonight in tears. Cade came home at 10pm, after a while I went to his room to tuck him in. He pulled out a note that was on his bed and said, “Daddy look, it’s a note from Claire.” It said, “Dear Cade, I miss you so much, I hope you had a great time at the basketball game. Love Claire.” However, the line that brought tears to my eyes was the P.S. It read, “P.S. I put your bears to bed for you.”

As I rehearsed this scene over and over in my mind, my heart rejoiced in God’s goodness. LaNae and I pray often that our children would not just tolerate one another but that they would grow to love have genuine affections for one another. Parents are often not pro-active in their children’s relationship with one another. They often excuse bickering, rivalries, or unkind words among brothers and sisters as normal behavior among siblings. They neglect to teach their children the joy of serving one another. They don’t teach their children to enjoy being around one another. Often time children enjoy being around their friends in school more than they do with their own brother and sister. As parents we must cultivate in our children’s heart that their best friends in life should be their own sibling. If they can’t genuinely love those whom they live with now, how can they begin to love others in the church or in our community? It has to start in the home.

Teach them diligently, Part III

We are studying through Romans as a family during our family devotions and it has been rather challenging because of the style of writing. It’s harder to explain to children truths of the Bible when it is not in narrative form. As I read through Romans 1:18-32, I thought, “now how in the world am I going to communicate this truth to my children?” I started to isolate the main point of the passage and as I began to think about it, it hit me. Paul is talking about the wrath of God. Then he describes in every day life how the wrath of God has manifested itself in the consequences of man’s sin. As man continues on his sin the wrath of God is being revealed as man spirals downward towards the depraved condition of his heart. That was what I wanted to teach my children. Now if my children are like most children, they love stories. In fact every time we are in the car driving across town or on a long family trip, they ask at some point “Daddy, can you tell us a story?” How would I tell my children about God’s wrath in story form?

I developed this story about a little girl named Sarah and we charted the course of her life from the age of 3 all the way to her mid twenties. At the age of 3 Sarah started a pattern of deceiving here parents with one small lie after another. By the time she was 25 her whole life revolved around deceiving family and friends. The sad part about it was that Sarah’s heart was so hard she wasn’t even bothered by the fact that she left a wake of people in pain because of her consistent lying. The story went on for about 15 minutes. As the story unfolded I watched my children’s eyes get wider and wider and wider as they saw the ugliness of a hardened heart towards God. Then I told them that this is an example of God’s wrath being poured out on Sarah. God was allowing her to continue on her sin and experience all the consequences of her sin to show His hatred towards sin.

This story provided an opportunity to once again plead with my children to respond to the good news of the gospel. Christ experienced the full weight of God’s anger on the cross because he loved us. I reminded them that God does not want us to live a life that is hard and rebellious towards him. He wants us to live a life that is dependent on His grace alone. He wants us each day to be reminded of how much we deserve his anger and yet He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve. He showers us with His grace, mercy, and compassion through the cross of Christ

Afterwards we took the time to give praise to God for his grace and mercy.

Teach them diligently, Part II

A friend asked me this week how one might do family devotions with a 16 month old. My kids are now ages 10, 8, and 6 and so I had try to remember what we used to do when my children were that age. And all I could remember was that we did a lot of singing, we acted out the stories of the Bible and, we did use many hand motions. Overall, our aim was to make it fun and energetic. I remember one time we were studying the Triumphal Entry. I wanted to visually show my children how Jesus came into the city of Jerusalem and how he was initially received by the people. We went outside and gathered branches from a tree. Then we gathered all the coats inside the house we could find. Then we draped a sheet around one of the kids (who was supposed to be dressed as Jesus). Finally, I got down on my hands and knees (like a donkey) and we placed the one dressed like Jesus on my back and we came down the hallway while the other children (along with their mother) started waving the tree branches around and threw the coats in the hallway and started chanting, “hosanna, hosanna, blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord” and singing that “Doughnut Man” song, “He is the King”. It took a lot of energy to teach that one scene, but it is etched in their minds to this day. I used to worry whether they would get so caught up in the activity that they would forget the purpose of the story. And then I realized they’re just kids. These story times are merely building blocks to the day when I would finally be able to unpack the fuller meaning of Jesus’ Triumphal entry. I think often times parents (especially fathers) are hesitant about teaching their toddlers or preschoolers truths from Scripture because they realize they have to get down to their level in order to communicate the message to them, and that’s uncomfortable. And it is. It’s not natural to crawl on the ground like a donkey. But if crawling around on the ground like a donkey is laying a foundation for later discussions about the future reign of Christ and how they need to submit their lives to Christ’s rule, isn’t it a small price to pay.

Teach them diligently

Family devotions can become a little tricky when you have children at different ages of maturity. In our situation our oldest (Kailyn) is 10 years old and our youngest (Claire) is 6 and we have one in the middle (Cade) at 8. My tendency is to speak to the level of the oldest child because it takes the least amount of creativity on my part. I thought that somehow our youngest would “get it” through the “trickle down” method, but that wasn’t the case. My wife one day informed me that Claire wasn’t “getting it.” She was sitting quietly during our family devotions and was content to sit, but she didn’t understand a single thing I was talking about. I was so focused on Kailyn and Cade, I forgot all about our little one. To remedy this problem I gave the older two an assignment. On Mondays I will read from the Bible the passage we are going to study, and I simply walk through the passage explaining the meaning of the text and the implications for our lives. After the Monday’s family devotions, Kailyn and Cade have the task of coming up with a lesson for Claire. I usually give them a specific theme to focus on and perhaps two key application points to “drive home”. On Tuesday they will begin planning on how they will present this to their little sister. My wife helps them with ideas. Sometimes they are encouraged to act out the scene; some times they are encouraged to use puppets to communicate the truth that they are trying to get across. Sometimes we help them to put the memory verse they want to use in song form. Sometimes we help them with hand motions that will aid in communicating the truth. Then usually on Wednesday night, they will lead our family devotions to instruct Claire in what we discussed on Monday. We’ve been having them do this for a couple of years now and they really seem to enjoy it. They are at the place where their creative juices are constantly flowing and they need less and less direction as the weeks and months go by. In fact Claire looks forward to it with much anticipation now. Initially she didn’t know how to accept the concept of her brother and sister teaching her about the Bible, but now she is eager to listen. This activity has actually been beneficial for the whole family. For the older kids it reinforces the things they are learning. It also helps me determine whether I’m communicating to them clearly because if they can’t explain it to their sister, then that means I wasn’t clear enough in my explanation. And Claire learns the truths of Scripture explained to her at her level.

I was reminded of this topic because Kailyn put a note in my lunch bag this morning reminding me that tonight she and Cade would be teaching the Bible lesson.

"It's Bath Time"

The other day I was asked the question, “How do you cleanse your wife by the washing of water with the word?” The person asking wanted to know what this might look like practically in a marriage relationship. I felt somewhat prepared because I have given the concept (truth based on Ephesians 5) much thought in the recent past. It seems like a nebulous command that the Apostle Paul gives us. The context of the Ephesians 5:25-31 seems to be what Christ did for the church. Christ loved the church so much that he gave his life for her. By giving His life for the church, He presents the church to Himself holy and without blemish. The husbands love for his wife is a purifying kind of love. His love for her should cause him to do whatever it takes to lead her to purity both in her thoughts and in her actions. The primary means by which this is accomplished is through the word of God. Here’s where it gets tricky. What does it actually look like to apply Ephesians 5:26 in our marriage? I think this takes place in various forms. Whenever we apply what the Scriptures says we always need to understand the underlying biblical principle. The underlying principle behind “cleansing” one’s wife with the word is keeping her pure primarily by bringing her back to the Scriptures when her actions or thinking contradicts the teachings of Scripture. Here is where husbands must learn how to be a student of his wife. He needs to ask her how she would be best ministered to, particularly as it relates to being “cleansed” by the word. For some marriages, the husband and wife have a set time where they sit down in the evening and the husband instructs his wife in the Scriptures. For some wives this is perfectly fine, but other wives may feel like they are one of their husbands project if he were to approach her in this way. In some marriages, the husbands “washing” of his wife in the word is not so structured. Perhaps he may ask her periodically how her quiet times have been, listen to her, and then supplement her insights with insights of his own related to what she is learning. As I’ve sought to apply Ephesians 5:26 in my marriage, what works for us is the less structured approach. I try to ask my wife how her quiet times with the Lord have been about three times a week. This takes place usually when we go for a walk in the morning or in the evening after we’ve put the kids to bed. After I ask her, then she often proceeds to tell me about what book in the Bible she is reading, what passage specifically she’s been meditating on and how she’s applying it. Sometimes she comes across a passage she needs clarification on and here’s when I usually take the time to instruct or I tell her that I will look it up and get back to her. Another way that I apply Ephesians 5:26 is by writing her a note. For example, if she shares with me an a issue in which she is struggling with, I’ve learned that it’s not helpful for her if I pull out all the Bible passages that deal with her particular struggle and machine gun her with those passages. What works best in our relationship is when I write a note asking her to mediate on a particular passage that addresses her particular struggle and then remind her in that note that I’ll be praying for her throughout the day.

Hope that helps.

"Daddy, I like it when you dig."

Last night we were doing our Advent calendar and we read from Matthew 2:9-11. I explained to my children that when the magi saw the king of the Jews they rejoiced with exceeding joy and then bowed down to worship the savior. This launched into a discussion on how God saving sinful people like us should be a cause for rejoicing. I showed them throughout Scripture how expressing great joy and being saved from the wrath of God are related. After our family time my youngest daughter (Claire, who just turned six) was sitting on my lap and looked up at me and said, “Daddy, I like it when you dig.” The statement took both her mother and I by surprise, so I asked a probing question, “What do you mean?” She proceeded to explain to us that she liked it when I explained the Bible to her in ways that she can understand. She went on to express that sometimes when she reads her Bible she doesn’t catch all the things that I talk about during our Bible times. This morning I went for a run, and for some reason I was rehearsing over and over in my thoughts her statement about “liking it when I dig”. I realized that our children really do want to know the deep things of God. They want to know more than what the stories of the Bible say. They want to know how the stories express the character of God. I also came to the conclusion that our children will only rise to the level we take them. If we feed them milk all their lives they would be malnourished. If we feed them only the milk of Scripture, they will become spiritually malnourished over a period of time. We are the limiting factor in the spiritual development of our children.

Teaching our Children to be Thankful

One of the things we started incorporating into your family times in the past year is a thankfulness journal. We got the idea from friends at The Master's Seminary (Justin and Juli McKitterick). Each week (usually Sunday evenings) we take the time to review the week and begin to list off things that we are thankful for. We usually begin with things that are spiritual in nature (ie salvation, God's grace, the cross of Christ, the Scriptures, etc...) This teaches our children that the greatest realities we are most thankful for are the many spiritual blessings given to us by God (Ephesians 1:3). From here we begin to express thanksgiving as it relates to our relationship with one another, and then we take the time to share material things that we are thankful for. This activity has helped our children see that true thankfulness begins with having a right perspective on the character of God first. I would encourage you to make it a goal that you might commit to this each week during the course of the next year, and see what the Lord does in the process.

A Brief Personal History

It seems ironic to me that God would call me to full time ministry, not to mention the Family and Children's Pastor of FBC. But in the mind of God their is no such thing as "irony" but rather sovereign control over who He chooses to use for His purposes. I was born in a non-Christian home and was not exposed to the Gospel of Jesus Christ until I was 17 years old. I was married at the age of 21, and had no clue what it meant to be a Christian husband and father. I knew that I was suppose to be the spiritual leader of our home, but had no idea what that looked like. Needless to say the first six years of my marriage was rather rocky. After 6 years of marriage, a man named John Smith (really his name is John Smith, I'm not trying to protect his anonymity - see www.cohbc.org) took the risk of taking me under his wings and began discipling a man who was more or less set in his ways , particularly in the area of being a husband. His purpose for meeting with me, along with several other men, was simple: "Develop godly leaders." And the rest, he believed, God would take care of. My world was rocked when he patiently showed me in the Scriptures what it meant to be a spiritual leader. I realized then that during the first 6 years of our marriage I had it all wrong. It was during that time I asked for my wife's forgiveness in failing to spiritually lead her and told her that I wanted to lead our home the way God intended. She was shocked at this idea, and it took some time before she realized that I had every intention to lead our family biblically. But by God's grace I won her trust. In the seventh year of our marriage, God blessed us with our first child. Little did I know that leading a wife is one thing, but leading a family, whoa!!! now that's a whole new ball game. I have three children now, and have been married for seventeen years. I've made many mistakes along the way. I've failed in many ways as a husband and a father as well, but God is gracious to show me my failures, repent from them, make the needed changes, and cast myself again and again at the foot of the cross.