My prayer is that you will be helped, encouraged, and challenged by some of the things I post on this blog. I make no claims to be an expert in leading a family. I make no claims in being the model spiritual leader in the home, but I do love God's word, and I do love to remind myself daily of how gracious and merciful and steadfast in his love God is, I do want to make the cross of Jesus Christ central in my home, and I do want to be helpful to those whom God has entrusted me to care for. We are all on this journey together to tell the next generation the praises of God so that our children and our children's children will set their hope in God.
The other day I was asked the question, “How do you cleanse your wife by the washing of water with the word?” The person asking wanted to know what this might look like practically in a marriage relationship. I felt somewhat prepared because I have given the concept (truth based on Ephesians 5) much thought in the recent past. It seems like a nebulous command that the Apostle Paul gives us. The context of the Ephesians 5:25-31 seems to be what Christ did for the church. Christ loved the church so much that he gave his life for her. By giving His life for the church, He presents the church to Himself holy and without blemish. The husbands love for his wife is a purifying kind of love. His love for her should cause him to do whatever it takes to lead her to purity both in her thoughts and in her actions. The primary means by which this is accomplished is through the word of God. Here’s where it gets tricky. What does it actually look like to apply Ephesians 5:26 in our marriage? I think this takes place in various forms. Whenever we apply what the Scriptures says we always need to understand the underlying biblical principle. The underlying principle behind “cleansing” one’s wife with the word is keeping her pure primarily by bringing her back to the Scriptures when her actions or thinking contradicts the teachings of Scripture. Here is where husbands must learn how to be a student of his wife. He needs to ask her how she would be best ministered to, particularly as it relates to being “cleansed” by the word. For some marriages, the husband and wife have a set time where they sit down in the evening and the husband instructs his wife in the Scriptures. For some wives this is perfectly fine, but other wives may feel like they are one of their husbands project if he were to approach her in this way. In some marriages, the husbands “washing” of his wife in the word is not so structured. Perhaps he may ask her periodically how her quiet times have been, listen to her, and then supplement her insights with insights of his own related to what she is learning. As I’ve sought to apply Ephesians 5:26 in my marriage, what works for us is the less structured approach. I try to ask my wife how her quiet times with the Lord have been about three times a week. This takes place usually when we go for a walk in the morning or in the evening after we’ve put the kids to bed. After I ask her, then she often proceeds to tell me about what book in the Bible she is reading, what passage specifically she’s been meditating on and how she’s applying it. Sometimes she comes across a passage she needs clarification on and here’s when I usually take the time to instruct or I tell her that I will look it up and get back to her. Another way that I apply Ephesians 5:26 is by writing her a note. For example, if she shares with me an a issue in which she is struggling with, I’ve learned that it’s not helpful for her if I pull out all the Bible passages that deal with her particular struggle and machine gun her with those passages. What works best in our relationship is when I write a note asking her to mediate on a particular passage that addresses her particular struggle and then remind her in that note that I’ll be praying for her throughout the day.
Hope that helps.
Last night we were doing our Advent calendar and we read from Matthew 2:9-11. I explained to my children that when the magi saw the king of the Jews they rejoiced with exceeding joy and then bowed down to worship the savior. This launched into a discussion on how God saving sinful people like us should be a cause for rejoicing. I showed them throughout Scripture how expressing great joy and being saved from the wrath of God are related. After our family time my youngest daughter (Claire, who just turned six) was sitting on my lap and looked up at me and said, “Daddy, I like it when you dig.” The statement took both her mother and I by surprise, so I asked a probing question, “What do you mean?” She proceeded to explain to us that she liked it when I explained the Bible to her in ways that she can understand. She went on to express that sometimes when she reads her Bible she doesn’t catch all the things that I talk about during our Bible times. This morning I went for a run, and for some reason I was rehearsing over and over in my thoughts her statement about “liking it when I dig”. I realized that our children really do want to know the deep things of God. They want to know more than what the stories of the Bible say. They want to know how the stories express the character of God. I also came to the conclusion that our children will only rise to the level we take them. If we feed them milk all their lives they would be malnourished. If we feed them only the milk of Scripture, they will become spiritually malnourished over a period of time. We are the limiting factor in the spiritual development of our children.
One of the things we started incorporating into your family times in the past year is a thankfulness journal. We got the idea from friends at The Master's Seminary (Justin and Juli McKitterick). Each week (usually Sunday evenings) we take the time to review the week and begin to list off things that we are thankful for. We usually begin with things that are spiritual in nature (ie salvation, God's grace, the cross of Christ, the Scriptures, etc...) This teaches our children that the greatest realities we are most thankful for are the many spiritual blessings given to us by God (Ephesians 1:3). From here we begin to express thanksgiving as it relates to our relationship with one another, and then we take the time to share material things that we are thankful for. This activity has helped our children see that true thankfulness begins with having a right perspective on the character of God first. I would encourage you to make it a goal that you might commit to this each week during the course of the next year, and see what the Lord does in the process.
It seems ironic to me that God would call me to full time ministry, not to mention the Family and Children's Pastor of FBC. But in the mind of God their is no such thing as "irony" but rather sovereign control over who He chooses to use for His purposes. I was born in a non-Christian home and was not exposed to the Gospel of Jesus Christ until I was 17 years old. I was married at the age of 21, and had no clue what it meant to be a Christian husband and father. I knew that I was suppose to be the spiritual leader of our home, but had no idea what that looked like. Needless to say the first six years of my marriage was rather rocky. After 6 years of marriage, a man named John Smith (really his name is John Smith, I'm not trying to protect his anonymity - see www.cohbc.org) took the risk of taking me under his wings and began discipling a man who was more or less set in his ways , particularly in the area of being a husband. His purpose for meeting with me, along with several other men, was simple: "Develop godly leaders." And the rest, he believed, God would take care of. My world was rocked when he patiently showed me in the Scriptures what it meant to be a spiritual leader. I realized then that during the first 6 years of our marriage I had it all wrong. It was during that time I asked for my wife's forgiveness in failing to spiritually lead her and told her that I wanted to lead our home the way God intended. She was shocked at this idea, and it took some time before she realized that I had every intention to lead our family biblically. But by God's grace I won her trust. In the seventh year of our marriage, God blessed us with our first child. Little did I know that leading a wife is one thing, but leading a family, whoa!!! now that's a whole new ball game. I have three children now, and have been married for seventeen years. I've made many mistakes along the way. I've failed in many ways as a husband and a father as well, but God is gracious to show me my failures, repent from them, make the needed changes, and cast myself again and again at the foot of the cross.
The other day I was asked the question, “How do you cleanse your wife by the washing of water with the word?” The person asking wanted to know what this might look like practically in a marriage relationship. I felt somewhat prepared because I have given the concept (truth based on Ephesians 5) much thought in the recent past. It seems like a nebulous command that the Apostle Paul gives us. The context of the Ephesians 5:25-31 seems to be what Christ did for the church. Christ loved the church so much that he gave his life for her. By giving His life for the church, He presents the church to Himself holy and without blemish. The husbands love for his wife is a purifying kind of love. His love for her should cause him to do whatever it takes to lead her to purity both in her thoughts and in her actions. The primary means by which this is accomplished is through the word of God. Here’s where it gets tricky. What does it actually look like to apply Ephesians 5:26 in our marriage? I think this takes place in various forms. Whenever we apply what the Scriptures says we always need to understand the underlying biblical principle. The underlying principle behind “cleansing” one’s wife with the word is keeping her pure primarily by bringing her back to the Scriptures when her actions or thinking contradicts the teachings of Scripture. Here is where husbands must learn how to be a student of his wife. He needs to ask her how she would be best ministered to, particularly as it relates to being “cleansed” by the word. For some marriages, the husband and wife have a set time where they sit down in the evening and the husband instructs his wife in the Scriptures. For some wives this is perfectly fine, but other wives may feel like they are one of their husbands project if he were to approach her in this way. In some marriages, the husbands “washing” of his wife in the word is not so structured. Perhaps he may ask her periodically how her quiet times have been, listen to her, and then supplement her insights with insights of his own related to what she is learning. As I’ve sought to apply Ephesians 5:26 in my marriage, what works for us is the less structured approach. I try to ask my wife how her quiet times with the Lord have been about three times a week. This takes place usually when we go for a walk in the morning or in the evening after we’ve put the kids to bed. After I ask her, then she often proceeds to tell me about what book in the Bible she is reading, what passage specifically she’s been meditating on and how she’s applying it. Sometimes she comes across a passage she needs clarification on and here’s when I usually take the time to instruct or I tell her that I will look it up and get back to her. Another way that I apply Ephesians 5:26 is by writing her a note. For example, if she shares with me an a issue in which she is struggling with, I’ve learned that it’s not helpful for her if I pull out all the Bible passages that deal with her particular struggle and machine gun her with those passages. What works best in our relationship is when I write a note asking her to mediate on a particular passage that addresses her particular struggle and then remind her in that note that I’ll be praying for her throughout the day. 
