Musings on Parenting

This list is not exhaustive by any means. These are few things I have gleaned from many well seasoned parents over the years, and some I learned by mistakes I made. Hope you find it helpful.

1) Consistency is the key: Between the ages of 18 months to 5 years old the rod will be most your effective and most frequently used tool in parenting.
2) Teach your children early to joyfully submit to your authority. This will alleviate some headaches in the future.
3) Teach your children to be thankful for discipline. Amy Carmichael taught me this.
4) Remember consistent discipline will be the tool that will help you peer into the window of your child’s heart. See my “Parenting Philosophy” http://fbcfamilyforum.blogspot.com/2008/03/what-is-your-parenting-philosophy.html
5) Be an affectionate family. Give each other hugs often and shower one another with three simple words, “I love you”.
6) Teach your children to affectionately love one another not just to tolerate one another.
7) Limit the extra-curricular activities (sports, ballet, drama, chess club…) of your children if it is going to consistently interfere with evening time family devotions.
8) Teach your children to sit through family devotions early (I suggest by 18 months they should be able to sit on your lap as you read a book for 10-15 minutes). Work your way up to 30 minutes then an hour.
9) Miscellaneous practical reasons why you should teach your young children to sit for long periods:
a. DMV
b. Dr Visits
c. Driving long distances
d. Holiday travel
e. To include them in adult dinner time conversation
f. Safety reasons (ie “sit right here and watch daddy mow the lawn”)
g. Etc...
10) Use your Saturday nights to prepare your family for Sunday, especially when you will be celebrating communion on Sunday.
11) The end goal for your children is that they have a thriving love for Jesus and not the avoidance all things that are “bad”.
12) Schedule your family devotions into your evening routine. It won’t just happen.
13) Admit to your children when you have sinned against them, and ask for their forgiveness.
14) Work hard at being united in your parenting. Your children want to see you on the same page. Let them know often that when they disobey mom they disobey dad. When they are disrespectful to their mom they are disrespectful to their dad.
15) Make it a regular habit to ask for your children’s forgiveness when you sin against them. In other words, keep short accounts with them. Don’t allow your sin against them to go unconfessed for any length of time.
16) Involve them in your home projects, chores, etc… soon as they are able.
17) Allow them to be your “helper” when fixing things around the house.
18) Parenting skills are the tools you use to point your children to Jesus. They are not the end in and of themselves.
19) The goal of parenting is not moral children but rather children who love Jesus.

Roland's Musings on Marriage

These are not exhaustive by any means, but they are things that I have documented in my head over the years, and thought I would begin a continual list of musings. This one is on marriage. I'll probably update this as more come to mind. Thought that my mistakes in the past may be of some help to some of you men.

1) Your wife’s home is her office, be sure you allow for enough funds in your budget for her decorate her home to her liking.
2) Call her during the middle of the day for no particular reason other than to tell her hello and that you’ve been thinking of her.
3) Let your children know that your wife is #1 and they are #2. They will be shocked to hear this at first, but they will realize that it is best that they are # 2 in relation to your wife.
4) Take over all parental duties when you get home from work. If the kids need attending to take care of it.
5) Tell your wife she has a nice haircut after she gets her hair cut. In fact find out when she’s going to get her hair cut and make sure you input in your PDA, day timer, or whatever you use to organize your day.
6) Give yourself and your wife enough time in the evening to talk about the day. This means teaching your children that after, for example, 8:00 pm everyone goes to their room to read or do some quiet activity. This will give you at least a couple of hours before bed to talk to your wife.
7) Involve her in your ministry as much as possible. In other words, if possible, serve together.
8) Screen all calls when you get home from the office, this will allow you to prioritize your phone calls.
9) Don’t answer the phone between the time you get home and the time your kids go to bed.
10) Don’t walk into the house after a day at work talking on the cell phone or the family will walk away dejected.
11) Your wife is your best ally in helping you pursue holiness and purity.
12) Ask her about her quiet times with the Lord, regularly.
13) Ask her how you can be of most help in encouraging her in her walk with the Lord.
14) Learn to cry in front of your wife. She needs to see your sensitive side periodically.
15) Make every effort to resolve conflict before going to bed.
16) If you get into a conflict in front of your children, resolve that conflict in front of them as well.
17) Find out ways you could encourage her to use her spiritual gifts. For example, if you believe her spiritual gift is hospitality, then initiate bringing people into your home for meals etc…

Practical Help on Prayer

One of the hardest things about our prayer life sometimes is that we don’t know what to pray for. And the reason we don’t know what to pray for is because we don’t have a plan. Here’s something I picked up from one of my mentors about 10 years ago and I still use it today. Normally, my prayer time begins with a short reading from the Psalm or a short reading anywhere in the Scriptures so as to get my heart engaged. Before I read, I say a short prayer, for example, “God opening the eyes of my heart so that I could learn great things about you.” Some of my favorite Psalms to go to are Psalm 19, 33, 23, 42, 63, any of the enthronement psalms (ie 95, 96) and 103 just to name a few. Sometimes I’ll read any short section in Isaiah 40 to 48. This is a great section of Scripture that speaks of the greatness of God and sovereignty of God. Reading a short section before I begin my time in prayer allows my mind to wander towards things pertaining to God. After my reading I’ll take a short pause just to think about what I just read and then I’ll start giving praise to God for His character based on the short reading. After my time of praise (or Adoration) I turn to confession. After adoration is a good time to confess my sins to God, because it allows me to look at my sin in relation to the character of God. Then I turn towards thanksgiving. This usually involves thanking God for my salvation. It’s always a good time to remind myself of how thankful I am for God’s saving grace after I confess my sins. Next I read a short section related to God’s goodness in the gospel. I usually will pull something out of Isaiah 53, Romans ch 5-8, 1 Peter ch 1 (just to name a few). This time is spent thanking God for the many things I can recall related to the salvation he has granted. After my time of Thanksgiving, I will start the supplication. This is when I take the time to pray for family, friends, missionaries, the church, the lost, government, etc… Below is a template I use for each day of the week. This keeps me from missing anyone that I want to regularly pray for. Give it a try and see if it helps.

Click on the image below for a larger view of this prayer template

Living for the King

This past Sunday I had the privilege of preaching from Matthew 6:25-34. One of the things I love about preaching is the amount of study that is poured into God’s Word, but with the study comes responsibility, namely the application of God’s Word. Our church (Faith Bible Church) is doing a four week series on stewardship both from the pulpit ministry and our small group ministry. It has been quite challenging both for my wife and I, and also for our children. We have had many conversations in our home regarding how we spend our money, how we use our resources, and what we spend our time in.

In Matthew 6:19-34, the entire section is built around Jesus’ exhortation in 6:33, …seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Jesus says it another way in verses 19-20, …lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven. The natural response of someone desiring to seek God’s Kingdom or lay up treasures in heaven is anxiety. Therefore, the words of Jesus in verses 25-34 serves as an encouragement to believers who want to follow the Lord in obedience to His commands. Don’t be anxious is his encouragement and He gives three reasons why there is no need for anxiety: 1) He will sustain our life, 2) He will supply us with what we need, 3) He will strengthen us for each day’s troubles. These three actions of God flow right out of the text, and it would have been an encouragement for the believers truly seeking God’s Kingdom to persevere in their faith despite what trials may come as a result of laying up treasures in heaven. The failure to trust in the 3 actions of God described in this text is a demonstration of a lack of faith. And as George Mueller said: The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.

This was a powerful message for my heart. I was compelled as the leader in my home to lead my family in this area of our life. Men, let me offer some possible discussion questions you may want to have with your wife and family. These are questions we asked one another during the course of 2 1/2 weeks. You could pose these questions for a dinner time conversation. Or right before you go to bed you and your wife can sit down for a half hour to an hour and discuss the questions. For those of you who are single, the questions apply to you as well. Perhaps you may want to find a close friend who will hold you accountable in these things. The purpose of these questions is to stimulate your thinking about how you are using your wealth, time, and resources for the sake of God’s Kingdom.

1. In what way are we laying up treasures in heaven? (vague but you can build on it)

2. Where is the bulk of our money going towards? (Are we giving in proportion to our wealth? – is the real question)

3. Where is the bulk of our time being spent? (You should clock how much time you spend in front of your TV. How much of your time is spent scurrying from all the different activities your kids are involved you don’t have time to invest in kingdom work.)

4. In what way are we modeling to our children that money is our god?

5. What is the driving factor behind your career path? (Gain wealth, Prestige, Power)

6. Parents, the question you should be asking your children as they prepare for their future is... Have you thought about missions?? Have you thought about full time ministry?? And then if the Lord closes that door, great…

7. What are you doing with your time so that you are cultivating a heart of godliness?

8. For those of you who are retired…Have you considered short term missions or mid term missions?