"Did you do your best?"

What does it mean for someone to do their best?

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with my children about doing their best. I had noticed that during the course of a couple of weeks their were tasks which I had assigned to different individuals that were being left partially done or less than partially done. This particular conversation came about as one of my children was asked to sweep the kitchen floor after a meal. I noticed that after the job was done there were a few chunks of crumbs left on the floor. So I summoned this individual and asked if the floor was swept, to which this person replied, “yes, I did my best.” The thought came through my mind, “did this person do their best or did this person perform what I expected him or her to do.” From my observation, it appeared that this person performed at his or her own expectation. I think, as parents (or leaders), we have a tendency to lower the standard for our children when we expect them to perform at the level of “their best” rather than shooting for a standard of excellence or a standard which we set out for them.

In 1 Thessalonians 4:1, the apostle Paul exhorts the Thessalonian church in the following way, “Finally, then brothers we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to live and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more…” Paul understood grace and yet also knew that as believer’s we are called to a standard of living according to God’s standard, namely, holy living (1 Peter 1:15-16) and not our own. He would not ask the churches if they did their best. His question for the churches was always summed up in this way, “are you living according to the calling of which you’ve been called” (cf Eph 1:4; 4:1).

This is something as parents we must consider when we think about training our children. We don’t want to cross the line of exasperating them by expecting them to do something that they are physically, emotionally, or spiritually incapable of doing. But we should at least expect them to rise up to a level that is beyond their own expectation. They should be challenged to always pursue excellence in whatever they are asked to do. The natural tendency of every person is to live at a level of mediocrity. This is a consequence of our fallen condition. Therefore we should not only fight for pursuing excellence in all that we do; we should also be constantly guiding our family to go beyond what they think they are capable of doing.

"Do Hard Things"

I’m reading a book entitled Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris (younger brothers of Joshua Harris – Senior Pastor of Covenant Life Church and author of books such as Not Even a Hint; I Kissed Dating Goodbye etc…). This book is aimed primarily at the teen culture of today, but since I have been regularly meeting with teenagers and will be leading a team of teens this summer during one of our outreach events, I thought I should read something that may help me get in their world a little bit. As I started reading this book, I came to realize that parents should read this book well before their children become teenagers.

Let me give you a brief summary as to how this “do hard things movement” was started. During the summer of 2005 Alex and Brett Harris were unsure as to what to do with their summer. This was unusual for these young men because they were self motivated and had been taught to make good use of their time. In fact for years they were involved in debating and they often spent their summers doing research on particular topics of interest. On this particular summer, they were at a loss. Their parents challenged them that they needed to move on, but they were unsure as to what this would look like for them. Finally, their dad came to them with this statement, “I’m putting you two on an intense reading program this summer.” As he made this statement he placed a large stack of books on their kitchen counter. This stack included books that ranged from various topics such as: history, philosophy, theology, sociology, science, business, journalism, and globalization. During this process of reading they came up with this idea to start a blog to start sharing their thoughts and ideas. This is when they came up with the idea of challenging teens to rebel against the low expectations our culture places on them; and so the term rebelution was birthed. This word is a made up word and is a combination of the word rebel and revolution. The summer of 2005 started a growing movement of young people choosing to “do hard things” for the glory of God. Now Alex and Brett Harris take this message to do hard things to parent-teen conferences all across the nation.

This book captured my attention because I realized that the only reason why these young men are the way they are is because their father and mother didn’t buy into the lie of the so called “teenage” years. The parents of Alex and Brett Harris taught them that they would transition from boyhood to adulthood without the “teen” years. They didn’t buy into the lie that somehow the age of adolescence means a vacation from responsibility.

I was challenged by this book because I think this idea of doing hard things shouldn’t start during the “teen” years, but should start when our children are young. We expect so little of our children. We make excuses for their disobedience with the words like, “O, they must be tired.” Since when does being tired give anyone a license to be disobedient. Or when we ask our child to say hello to someone and they turn away. We make excuses for this child’s behavior by saying, “O is Johnny shy today…” NO Johnny is not shy he’s just plain rude, and he needs to be taught that rudeness is unkind. Since when is it ever appropriate for us to turn away and ignore someone who is trying to say hello to us? The easy thing to do is to excuse the child’s behavior, the hard thing to do is to make it a sinful heart issue and then have to discipline for it. Here’s another example; two of your children are fighting for the same toy. The easy thing to do in this situation is to give the toy to the one who was able to attain the toy first, but the hard thing to do is to evaluate the hearts of both children and ask why child number one is unwilling to give up his toy and evaluate why child number 2 wants to possess the toy so desperately. It’s a hard thing to think through these issues and then evaluate because after thinking through this particular scenario thoroughly the parent will have to conclude that both child is clearly displaying sinful actions that needs to be disciplined.

After being challenged by this book, we as a family have decided that we are going to do hard things this summer. Oh, we’ll have plenty of fun, but we are going to incorporate hard things with the fun. For example, one hard thing our children were challenged by already this summer is riding their bikes up the hill to grandma and grandpa’s house. They live on Browns Mountain so it is quite a ride up hill for these short legs. Last week was their first attempt, and they all succeeded with a little bit of encouragement. We went a second time this week, and they admitted it was a lot easier the second time compared to the first. Another hard thing I am asking the kids to do is to make friends with the kids in our new neighborhood. One of the things they have not been able to do in our previous neighborhood was make friends with neighborhood kids because there weren't any. Another hard thing the kids decided to do was start an early morning exercise program. They decided that they were going to follow mom and dad’s example and exercise every morning after they do their quiet times. They started jogging one mile a day. Cade wanted to step outside his comfort zone by requesting to take golf lessons. This summer Cade will take golf lessons for the first time. It’s a new sport for him, so it is a hard thing. He and I will also attempt to play 9 holes on a par 3 course after his one week lesson. This will be a hard thing for me; to try and coach him. Kailyn and Claire are going to be involved in competitive swimming this summer. All the kids will be required to read several classic books during the summer (LaNae is still working on their reading list). I have plans to read a book that is not theological or spiritual in nature called Escape from the Deep. It’s a WWII submarine story. This will be a different type of reading for me since I finished seminary. It will be hard, but I am looking forward to it. LaNae and I have started the hard road of adoption. We don’t know what to expect, completely, but we have prayed and sought the Lord regarding the next hard thing we were to do after we were done with seminary life, and the Lord keeps directing our hearts towards adoption. We registered, by faith, with an international adoption agency by paying the $200 registration fee this week. The average cost for an adoption from the Philippines is $20,000. Read LaNae’s blog for periodic updates on this topic.

Parents, let’s not waste our families life. Let’s challenge one another to begin a pattern of modeling the act of doing hard things for the glory of God before our children.

Redeeming Family Vacations

We started our family vacation on Thursday, May 1st. It actually has several things attached to it. One of which is a field trip for our homeschooled children. The first stop was Butte, Montana and the final stop will be The Master’s Seminary where I will walk in the graduation ceremony. You can visit LaNae’s blog to get each day’s details of our trip.

One of the hardest things for me during vacations is the disruption of our family routine. For many people the disruption of routine for a season is actually a good thing. But for some reason I actually thrive on routine. I love getting up the same time every morning and sitting in the usual spot of our living room to spend my quiet time with the Lord. I love going for a run after I finish my quiet time. I love walking into the house after a run to say good morning to my wife and kids. I love going to work by 8:00 am. I love coming home by 5:00 pm (or 5:30). I love doing family time after dinner. I love talking with LaNae after the kids go to bed by 8:00 pm. Because these things and a host of other things get turned upside down during vacations, I feel like my life goes from order to disorder.

I resolved that this vacation was going to be different. I knew that there would have to be things I would have to give up. Perhaps a run in the morning would be placed on the bottom of the priority list.

It’s taken me over 17 years of marriage to finally resolve to enjoy whole heartedly our family vacations. Here are some ways I plan to redeem this family vacation to make it more purposeful and enjoyable.

1. Stick to LaNae’s detailed plan (LaNae did an incredible job planning this trip, every activity was carefully chosen and planned out)
2. Don’t set the alarm for the morning.
3. Get up at the earliest by 7:00 am (unless everyone is awake earlier)
4. Do a family devotional time each morning in place of individual devotional times. (The plan is to finish reading through Romans and then start in 1 Thessalonians ~ this is what the kids would have been studying in Sunday School and we would have been studying in our adult small groups).
5. Listen to at least three 2008 Together for the Gospel sermons with my wife.
6. Read missionary biographies to the kids prior to them going to bed at night.
7. Eat a light breakfast and lunch when our day is going to consist of more than 4 to 6 hours of driving (this will help me feel less like a sloth).
8. Eat a light dinner each night.
9. Take the kids swimming to each hotel that has a swimming pool (they enjoy swimming, this is a good time to read a book)
10. If there is a fitness room in the hotel, exercise with LaNae and use that time to talk.
11. Absolutely, NO studying. Just some light reading (I will finish Culture Shift by Al Mohler and will probably start A Long Line of Godly Men by Steve Lawson.
12. Have a list of questions I want to ask LaNae during our long drives to engage in meaningful and light conversation (I downloaded some good conversation starters from Reb Bradley’s website, http://www.familyministries.com/)

Today is May 5th and LaNae actually said during our hike in the Capitol Reef National Park, “you seem really relaxed.” God is so gracious to allow me to learn to enjoy being refreshed.

Musings on Parenting

This list is not exhaustive by any means. These are few things I have gleaned from many well seasoned parents over the years, and some I learned by mistakes I made. Hope you find it helpful.

1) Consistency is the key: Between the ages of 18 months to 5 years old the rod will be most your effective and most frequently used tool in parenting.
2) Teach your children early to joyfully submit to your authority. This will alleviate some headaches in the future.
3) Teach your children to be thankful for discipline. Amy Carmichael taught me this.
4) Remember consistent discipline will be the tool that will help you peer into the window of your child’s heart. See my “Parenting Philosophy” http://fbcfamilyforum.blogspot.com/2008/03/what-is-your-parenting-philosophy.html
5) Be an affectionate family. Give each other hugs often and shower one another with three simple words, “I love you”.
6) Teach your children to affectionately love one another not just to tolerate one another.
7) Limit the extra-curricular activities (sports, ballet, drama, chess club…) of your children if it is going to consistently interfere with evening time family devotions.
8) Teach your children to sit through family devotions early (I suggest by 18 months they should be able to sit on your lap as you read a book for 10-15 minutes). Work your way up to 30 minutes then an hour.
9) Miscellaneous practical reasons why you should teach your young children to sit for long periods:
a. DMV
b. Dr Visits
c. Driving long distances
d. Holiday travel
e. To include them in adult dinner time conversation
f. Safety reasons (ie “sit right here and watch daddy mow the lawn”)
g. Etc...
10) Use your Saturday nights to prepare your family for Sunday, especially when you will be celebrating communion on Sunday.
11) The end goal for your children is that they have a thriving love for Jesus and not the avoidance all things that are “bad”.
12) Schedule your family devotions into your evening routine. It won’t just happen.
13) Admit to your children when you have sinned against them, and ask for their forgiveness.
14) Work hard at being united in your parenting. Your children want to see you on the same page. Let them know often that when they disobey mom they disobey dad. When they are disrespectful to their mom they are disrespectful to their dad.
15) Make it a regular habit to ask for your children’s forgiveness when you sin against them. In other words, keep short accounts with them. Don’t allow your sin against them to go unconfessed for any length of time.
16) Involve them in your home projects, chores, etc… soon as they are able.
17) Allow them to be your “helper” when fixing things around the house.
18) Parenting skills are the tools you use to point your children to Jesus. They are not the end in and of themselves.
19) The goal of parenting is not moral children but rather children who love Jesus.

Living for the King

This past Sunday I had the privilege of preaching from Matthew 6:25-34. One of the things I love about preaching is the amount of study that is poured into God’s Word, but with the study comes responsibility, namely the application of God’s Word. Our church (Faith Bible Church) is doing a four week series on stewardship both from the pulpit ministry and our small group ministry. It has been quite challenging both for my wife and I, and also for our children. We have had many conversations in our home regarding how we spend our money, how we use our resources, and what we spend our time in.

In Matthew 6:19-34, the entire section is built around Jesus’ exhortation in 6:33, …seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Jesus says it another way in verses 19-20, …lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven. The natural response of someone desiring to seek God’s Kingdom or lay up treasures in heaven is anxiety. Therefore, the words of Jesus in verses 25-34 serves as an encouragement to believers who want to follow the Lord in obedience to His commands. Don’t be anxious is his encouragement and He gives three reasons why there is no need for anxiety: 1) He will sustain our life, 2) He will supply us with what we need, 3) He will strengthen us for each day’s troubles. These three actions of God flow right out of the text, and it would have been an encouragement for the believers truly seeking God’s Kingdom to persevere in their faith despite what trials may come as a result of laying up treasures in heaven. The failure to trust in the 3 actions of God described in this text is a demonstration of a lack of faith. And as George Mueller said: The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.

This was a powerful message for my heart. I was compelled as the leader in my home to lead my family in this area of our life. Men, let me offer some possible discussion questions you may want to have with your wife and family. These are questions we asked one another during the course of 2 1/2 weeks. You could pose these questions for a dinner time conversation. Or right before you go to bed you and your wife can sit down for a half hour to an hour and discuss the questions. For those of you who are single, the questions apply to you as well. Perhaps you may want to find a close friend who will hold you accountable in these things. The purpose of these questions is to stimulate your thinking about how you are using your wealth, time, and resources for the sake of God’s Kingdom.

1. In what way are we laying up treasures in heaven? (vague but you can build on it)

2. Where is the bulk of our money going towards? (Are we giving in proportion to our wealth? – is the real question)

3. Where is the bulk of our time being spent? (You should clock how much time you spend in front of your TV. How much of your time is spent scurrying from all the different activities your kids are involved you don’t have time to invest in kingdom work.)

4. In what way are we modeling to our children that money is our god?

5. What is the driving factor behind your career path? (Gain wealth, Prestige, Power)

6. Parents, the question you should be asking your children as they prepare for their future is... Have you thought about missions?? Have you thought about full time ministry?? And then if the Lord closes that door, great…

7. What are you doing with your time so that you are cultivating a heart of godliness?

8. For those of you who are retired…Have you considered short term missions or mid term missions?

"What is your parenting philosophy?"

Recently, I was asked by someone whom I dearly respect as a parent for my philosophy in parenting. When asked, I thought, “now that’s a loaded question.” And on top of that I hadn’t really formalized my philosophy of parenting because much of it is still in progress. But I thought for a moment, and realized that every single parent has a philosophy of parenting whether it is formally written in document form or not.

I had 5 minutes to answer a relatively complicated question which I didn’t think was enough time, so I thought I’d give a somewhat well thought out answer on this blog. Here is my best attempt. My wife and I aim to shepherd the heart of our children with the Scriptures, so that they will grow to love Christ. That is the bottom line philosophy of our parenting. That is the goal which we shoot for as we seek to train up our children in the ways of the Lord. Much of this has been shaped by Ted Tripp’s book Shepherding a Child’s Heart and a plethora of others who have gone before us (see parenting resources in the right column). Shepherding a Child’s Heart was life changing in how we viewed parenting, and it continues to have impact in what we do. But that phrase, “shepherding a child’s heart” can be nebulous. In Tripp’s book he lays out the biblical principle; which is good. We need to be driven by biblical principles. But what does that look like when your child is 2 years old and what does it look like when they he/she is in Jr. high school, high school, college, etc…? To shepherd the heart of the child is ultimately where we want to arrive as parents. I think that’s how we need to look at it. Therefore, our methodology has to drive us to that end when it comes to parenting. If that’s the goal, there has to be steps along the way that gets us there. We can’t just have a goal in mind and expect to land there haphazardly. We need to develop a plan. If you believe in the end goal then what are the steps that will take you there? The problem with the heart of children is that deep down inside they are sinful (Psalm 51:5; cf Romans 3:23), and we know that apart from the saving work of the gospel their heart will always be sinful to the core. So that’s the first step. The Scriptures must be at the core of our parenting because the Scriptures (along with the Holy Spirit) is what will awaken their hearts from its deadness (James 1:18). Whether they completely understand it or not, the Scriptures must always be brought to bear in the lives of our children as we parent them.

The tension then is that we as parents are called to train our children and allow the work of the Holy Spirit to transform their lives with His word. However, we are not called upon to passively parent. We must actively parent them. We must actively instruct them (Deuteronomy 6:4ff; Psalm 78:1-8). The reason why we must be active is because this is how we get to their heart. So how do you get to the heart? You have to get a hold of the external behavior first. What I mean is that when they are two years old and you tell them to obey, and they don’t want to, you really can’t appeal to their heart just yet. They just need to obey because you tell them to do something (Eph 6:2). If you try to “shepherd the heart” at this stage you will get nowhere, and you will end up becoming more and more frustrated and discouraged with your child. Your goal in these early years (between 18 months to 5 years old) is to get them to submit to your authority. The veneer of external rebellion must first be put away, and this is a process that will consistently play a significant role in your parenting. This means that as long as your child does not submit to your authority you will never get to the heart. Once you peel away at the layer of submitting to you then you have a view into their heart. The advantage with starting off at a young age is that the external behaviors that need to be peeled away are relatively small. It usually has something to do with simply obeying mom and dad when told to do something the first time. It usually means not whining when told to do something (Phil 2:14). If you wait until your child is older before you set the standard of first time obedience you will get excited about “Johnny” taking out the garbage when asked the first time, but you will miss that he rolled his eyes at you when you asked him to do it. The “rolling eyes” or the “deep sighs” are actually a window into their heart. But if your attention is on the external, then you missed what’s going on in the heart. You missed that “Johnny” does not yet have a tender heart towards those in authority over him. You missed that “Johnny” does not respect his mom or dad.

I’m not saying that it will be easy. But I am saying that it will require consistency. We shepherd the heart of our children because we want them to ultimately submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and His word.

That in a nutshell, that is the bottom line philosophy of parenting my wife and I seek to live by. I hope that helps. It was a great question because it forced me to think about why we do what we do in our home.

Leaving a Spiritual Legacy for the Next Generation

This past Sunday I had the privilege preaching on Sunday morning. Since coming on staff to FBC as the Family and Children’s pastor, I have taken the time to meditate on Psalm 78:1-8. This is the passage of Scripture that we wave around as the banner passage for Family and Children’s ministry and it is the passage that I constantly go back to when I want to be reminded about what I must leave behind for my own children. We are called to leave behind a spiritual legacy so that the next generation sets their hope and confidence in a God who saves. This passage reminded me that when I instruct my children whether it be formal Bible instruction, informal everyday instruction, and in corrective instruction, I need to constantly remind them of the gospel. The gospel is not only the hope for unbelievers, but it is the hope for believers as well. The gospel that saves is the gospel that sanctifies. This passage also reminded me of ways that I might be concealing the glorious deeds, the mighty works, and the wondrous works of God from my children. What are the glorious deeds, mighty works, and wondrous works of God? Again, it is the gospel. These three phrases describe the totality of God’s work in redeeming His people. It describes His salvation. We could say it is a description of the most infinite display of God’s glory, namely the cross. What are ways in which we might conceal the glory of the cross from our children? I came up with a several thoughts.

1. When we get more excited about peripheral things than the cross (i.e. sporting events, scrap booking, decoration, a big house, a nice car, etc…)


2. When they don’t see mom and dad regularly studying their Bibles and quiet times with the Lord.


3. When we fail to extend mercy when correcting them or administering discipline. (The gospel is all about mercy towards us. God demonstrated justice on His Son so that we would be recipients of mercy. Therefore, should not the recipient of mercy be the first to extend mercy.)


4. When we fail to recognize evidence of grace (or the fruit of the Spirit) in their lives. (This is a clear indication of God’s work of grace in their lives; therefore we must constantly affirm them of that grace when we recognize it.)


5. When we fill our weekly schedule with so much activity that we have no time to formally instruct our children in the word of God (aka – Family Devotions)


6. When gathering with the saints on Sunday morning is not the highlight of our week.


7. When we fail to serve together as a family.

I’m sure there are more, and as I meditate on this a little more, I trust that the Lord will bring things to mind that will challenge my heart.

Getting Ready for Sunday

Sunday morning, “the Lord’s Day”, should be the highlight to every believer’s week. It should be the day that we all look forward to the most because it is the one day in the week that the church is gathered corporately to hear God’s word and to engage in fellowship with the saints. A.W. Tozer said,

The highest expression of the will of God in this age is the church which He purchased with His own blood.

Paul said in Ephesians 3:10, …through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. All of God’s heavenly hosts are watching how the church functions because in this organism they see and behold the wisdom of God continually unfolding right before their eyes. If the church is that significant to the angelic realm, should it then not be that much more significant for us who are a part of God’s church.

Our children’s view of Sunday morning is shaped by how we view the gathering of believers on Sunday. If our view of the Lord’s Day is something we simply tack on to the end of our weekend, then our children will grow up with the “I can take or leave it” attitude regarding the church. How we prepare them for Sunday morning worship (on Saturday night) affects their perspective on this meaningful gathering. My concern is that our Saturday’s are so full of activities that by the end of the day we are exhausted, that all we can think about is getting everyone to bed after a late Saturday night event. Therefore when Sunday morning comes we merely roll out of bed, wash the sleep from your eyes, make a mad dash to get everyone up, maybe grab a small bite to eat, get the car started, and perhaps get to church on time.

About 10 years ago, I heard someone make the following statement; Sunday morning worship begins Saturday night. Then it dawned on me, I have a responsibility to prepare my family for the Lord’s Day. This means that Saturday nights, on a regular basis, must be used to help my wife and children get their focus on what we will be learning on Sunday morning. This means I have responsibility to talk to my children about the Bible passage they will be studying in Bible School. This means finding out what the teaching pastor will covering in his sermon. This means taking the time to pray as a family for all the ministries of Sunday morning. This means praying for any unbelievers who might be attending the service. This means praying that our hearts would be ready to hear God’s word and then apply it. This means reflecting on the substitutionary atonement of Christ on the Sunday’s we are planning on celebrating the Lord’s Table. And this means going to bed at a reasonable time so that we are not fighting sleep as we’re being fed God’s word.

As parents we set the tone for how our children view the church. Let us not hinder them by having a low view of the gathering of believers on Sunday mornings.

"Praying Scripture for Your Children"

I read this article my wife wrote for the "Encourager" and thought that I would post it on this blog because it is critical both for mom and dad to be faithful in praying Scripture for their children. Enjoy!!!

Is your prayer life all that it could be? Or has your prayer life become a little stale…dry… routine? I know I’ve struggled off and on with my daily prayer life. That is why I have been so excited about a new book I’ve been reading. It’s entitled Praying Scripture for your Children by Jodie Berndt. It has challenged and encouraged me to be praying more specific, biblical, God-honoring prayers for my kids.
Of course, I pray regularly for my kids, mainly that they will follow the Lord and that they will marry godly spouses. And I pray for specific character issues as they arise...but often my prayers for them have lacked urgency or any kind of vision as to what God wants to do in and through them. It seems that my morning prayers often turn out to be little more than a sleepy "…And God bless Kailyn, Cade, Claire, and Kyle...” Wait a minute, I say, as I rouse myself, there's no one in this family named Kyle..." This book is divided into 5 parts, each focusing on one area to pray for in your children's lives: their faith, character, safety, relationships and future. Within these 5 chapters are a number of sections that include many verses that can be used as prayers. For example, in the chapter about your child's faith, the author has a section on "praying for your child to promote God's kingdom." One verse she has listed is Romans 1:16. She has turned this verse into a prayer this way: "Lord, let _________ never be ashamed of the gospel, but let her recognize that it is the power of God for salvation for everyone who believes." Simple, yet profound. Actually, I was challenged to be praying for my husband, Roland, more specifically (and fervently) as well, especially as he begins his new pastoral role. So the other morning during my quiet time I sat down with my prayer journal and wrote out many verses, inserting his name when appropriate:

ll Timothy 4: 2-5 “Lord, help Roland to faithfully preach and teach the word and be prepared, both in season and out of season; let him correct, rebuke and encourage with great patience and careful instruction…

l Peter 4:10-11 “Lord, help Roland to use his gifts to serve others, faithfully administering your grace in its various form, so that in all things You will be praised and the body of Christ will be built up…

Colossians 3:23 “Lord, I pray that whatever Roland does that he will work at it with all his heart as working for the Lord, and not for man.”

We, as wives and mothers, long for God’s blessing on our families. And by God”s grace, He has given us the great privilege of praying for our families as a means to accomplish this. Praying Scripture will help us to align our deepest desires for them with God’s will for them laid out in His word. When we pray Scripture we can be assured that we are praying the Lord’s will-praying prayers that the Lord delights in answering.

"Common Sense" is not so "Common"

Have you ever wondered why “common sense” is called “common sense”? There is actually not one thing “common” about “common sense. Recently, I was instructing one of my children on the fine art of cutting a piece of meat with a knife. And it dawned on me. One would think that someone could take a steak knife and see how it is designed and then use it successfully. But as I proceeded to instruct my child on the skills of using this fine culinary tool, I realized this is something we will have to revisit over a period of weeks, months and perhaps a few more years. Therefore, I’ve come up with a list of things that we think are common sense but in actuality things that need to be taught with much patience and perseverance.

• Washing your hands before a meal.


• Not running out in the middle of a busy street.


• How to hold a fork at the dinner table.


• Turning your head to one side while holding a taco upright when eating it, so that the meat doesn’t spill onto their lap


• Leaning forward slightly when spooning up a spoonful of soup to their mouth, so that the soup spills into their bowl and not onto their lap.


• Not starting monopoly 5 minutes before it’s time to leave for an outing.


• Not putting on snow gloves before zipping up the snow jacket.


• Not putting on snow gloves before slipping on snow boots.


• Going to the bathroom when your bladder feels full.


• Blowing your nose onto a tissue paper when “stuff” is starting to seep out of your nose.


• How to load the dishwasher.


• Helping your 18 month sister sit up when she is submerged under water in the bath tub.


• Turning the dead bolt lock in the opposite direction of the door jamb before attempting to open it.


• Not running on concrete that is sheeted with ice.


• Not placing an object into an outlet.


• Pulling up your sleeves before reaching across the table.

My conclusion is that common sense is not so common. It actually has to be taught. These are few that come to mind feel free to add to the list as you come up with them.

Speaking the Gospel to our Children

I am so thankful to be studying through Paul’s letter to the Romans in both our adult small group and in the children’s ministry Bible School. What a privilege it is to devote 12 lessons in our Sunday School curriculum to Paul’s letter to the Romans. This book is gospel centered. It explains the gospel of Jesus Christ from the moment God declares a believer righteous in Christ (justification), to the day by day, moment by moment transformation into the likeness of Christ (sanctification), to the final day of redemption when we receive our new glorified bodies that will no longer battle with walking in the flesh versus walking in the Spirit (glorification). That’s the gospel. And it is something we need to remind ourselves of each day as well as bring to the minds of our children each day. Early this week I was asked a “how to” question about disciplining children. I listened to the question and the various comments that came with the question and then I asked this person, “Do you speak the gospel to your children during the process of discipline?” To which this person asked, “How do you speak the gospel to your children during discipline?” So I proceeded to tell him that when my children were younger (2-5) here’s the process of discipline we went through. First we would ask our child, “What did you do wrong?” Second, we would ask, “What does the ______ (a Bible passage) say about what you did wrong?” At this age our children usually committed something along the lines of disobeying their parents, complaining and arguing, or not being kind to one another (all of which the Bible addresses: Ephesians 6:1-2; Philippians 2:14; and Ephesians 4:32, respectively). And O, how they had these passages memorized. Thirdly, we would ask them, “When you disobey who does the Bible say you are disobeying?” To which they responded, “God.” Fourth, after they acknowledge their disobedience to God, I would ask them, “What must daddy do because you disobeyed God?” They would then respond, “Spank me.” Fifth, I would ask, “If daddy doesn’t spank you then what is daddy doing?” They would then say, “Disobeying God.” Sixth, I would ask, “Do you want daddy to disobey God?” And thankfully (by God’s grace) they always answered “no.” Then I would tell them how many spankings they would get and after their spanking we would hug. I would tell them how much I love them, and then we would pray. As I look back on those early years of parenting there was one thing I realize now that I should have reiterated over and over during the discipline process. I should have reminded them that their disobedience to God shows that they need a Savior, for without the Savior, Jesus Christ, they will always want to disobey God. This truth is not only for salvation. It is a truth that we need to remind ourselves if we are going to grow in sanctification. Pointing our children to their need for a Savior isn’t just for the preschool age. It’s for all of life. They need to be pointed to the Savior during their school age years. They need to be directed to the Savior during their teenage years. They need to be pointed to the Savior during their college years. The mercy and grace of God is our hope (and the hope of our children) in this life and it will be our hope in the life to come in eternity. As John Newton wrote in that classic hymn, “Amazing Grace” – “When we’ve been there (in heaven) ten thousand years bright shining as the sun, we’ve no less days to sing God’s praise then when we’ve first begun.” We will forever give God praise for his mercy and grace; for the Lamb of God who was slain. And when we think of the gospel, our hearts should be overwhelmed with the mercy and grace God chose to pour out upon us when all we deserved was His holy wrath. That's what we need to speak to our children regardless of what stage they are in life.

Here’s the lyrics to a song we sang this morning in our Sunday School. It’s from the Awesome God CD that Sovereign Grace Ministries put out. It’s a great way to remind children (and adults) our daily need for a Savior.

No one is good

No one is holy before God

I need someone to cleanse me

No one is pure

No one is righteous in Your sight

I need someone to save me

But I’m so glad You died and rose again

For helpless sinners like me

(Chorus)

What a mighty mighty Savior You are

What a mighty mighty Savior You are

You can wash away my sin

You can change my heart within

What a might, mighty Savior You are

Sin is too strong

For me to conquer on my own

I need someone to help me

I am too weak

I cannot change my evil heart

I need someone to save me

But I’m so glad You died and rose again

For helpless sinners like me.

"I put your bears to bed"

My son (Cade) went to a basket ball game with his grandpa this evening. He left right before dinner time and didn’t get back home until 10:00pm at night. We don’t make it a normal habit of allowing our 8 year old to stay out til 10pm but this evening was acceptable because he was with grandpa. He left for the game without saying goodbye to his younger sister, Claire. When we called her to come upstairs for dinner she realized that there was one person missing, her brother. Her countenance is usually jovial, but after realizing that her brother had left without saying good bye, her smile quickly turned to sadness. All throughout dinner and during our evening activities she couldn’t hold back the tears. She kept saying, “I miss Cade.” “Goodness,” I thought, “he’s only gonna be gone for a few hours.” But in her mind it was lifetime. She went to bed tonight in tears. Cade came home at 10pm, after a while I went to his room to tuck him in. He pulled out a note that was on his bed and said, “Daddy look, it’s a note from Claire.” It said, “Dear Cade, I miss you so much, I hope you had a great time at the basketball game. Love Claire.” However, the line that brought tears to my eyes was the P.S. It read, “P.S. I put your bears to bed for you.”

As I rehearsed this scene over and over in my mind, my heart rejoiced in God’s goodness. LaNae and I pray often that our children would not just tolerate one another but that they would grow to love have genuine affections for one another. Parents are often not pro-active in their children’s relationship with one another. They often excuse bickering, rivalries, or unkind words among brothers and sisters as normal behavior among siblings. They neglect to teach their children the joy of serving one another. They don’t teach their children to enjoy being around one another. Often time children enjoy being around their friends in school more than they do with their own brother and sister. As parents we must cultivate in our children’s heart that their best friends in life should be their own sibling. If they can’t genuinely love those whom they live with now, how can they begin to love others in the church or in our community? It has to start in the home.