Thanksgiving Reflection

This week during our family time we devoted our time expressing what things we are thankful for. I reminded the children (along with Julien our exchange student) that a thankful heart is indicative of one who understands, knows, and believes what Jesus Christ did for us when He died on the cross for our sins. I reminded them that it is God’s will for His children to be thankful (1 Thess 5:18).

So we took the time to reflect on what things we’ve been thankful for over the past few months. Last night it was exciting to listen to the kids express what things they were thankful for. In the past it’s often been things like “our home” or “family” or “a good church” and so forth. And we rejoice with them when they express thanksgiving for such things. We remind them that “every good gift” is from the Lord. Over the past several months our time, energy, resources and finances have been focused on bringing home our children from the Philippines. At times our faith is strong and at other times our faith is weak. Certain moments we clearly see the hand of God behind the process we are going through, and at other times God seems to be inactive. But as I listened to each one of my children express their thankfulness, I couldn’t keep my eyes from welling up with tears because their comments reminded me of how good God has been during this process. It reminded me that they are watching their mom and dad attempt to put their faith in action. It reminded me that as LaNae and I make every effort to act out our faith, it gives them that much more motivation to act out their faith. Each of our kids, in their own way, expressed how thankful they were to see how God is growing our faith as we watch Him work through this adoption process. Claire expressed thankfulness in the Lord’s provision financially. Cade expressed thankfulness in how God is growing his affections for his sisters even though they are in Philippines at the moment. Kailyn expressed thankfulness for how God must be pleased to watch His church respond to the needs of His people.

A lot of the things that we are waiting for during this adoption process are outside of “our control.” This only elevates our need to be dependent on Him throughout the whole process. It’s been hard for them at times to watch mommy and daddy wrestle with what God is doing, but it’s been a joy for them when they see the Lord answer in real specific ways. These times of trusting and waiting have been a valuable lesson for them (and us as well) to learn. They (we) have seen God work in so many different ways. They have seen faith acted out even though it seems foolish in the eyes of many.

As I think about what the Lord is taking us through during this time, I don’t always see the good in it. I often need to be reminded that God is always honored when we seek to step out in faith. And when I listen to my children express their complete faith and trust in the Lord, I’m reminded that their view of God is affected by my view of God. If I believe my God is small they will view God as small. When I view my God as one who is able to do above and beyond what I can think or imagine, they will view God the same way. It gives them a view of how big our God is. It gives them a perspective that our God is bigger than our pocket book. He’s bigger than our savings account. He’s bigger than our ability to plan. In fact often he disrupts our plans to show us and remind us just how big he is.

I have much to be thankful for, and I am thankful to the Lord that he used the faith of my children to show me where mine was lacking.

Walking by Faith, Part 6 - Faith and the Sovereignty of God

This week as I’ve been reading through the familiar story of Joseph in Genesis 37 and following, I was struck more strongly than ever before in my previous readings of this story regarding the sovereignty of God. I think my understanding of the doctrine of God’s sovereignty can be at times so intellectual that I forget what it looks like in every day life. I can quote passages such as Psalm 115:3 or Daniel 4:35 and a host of other verses that describe the sovereignty of God and yet it remains as an intellectual understanding. When it comes to “big” things that are obviously out of “my control,” I can attribute it to the sovereignty of God. Things that happen to me “passively” are easier to accept under the sovereign hand of God.

Recently, we’ve been trying to get all immigration paper work taken care of on our end so that we can begin the process of moving forward with the adoption of the twin girls from the Philippines. The fingerprinting department in the federal building is having a difficult time getting fingerprints from LaNae. We don’t know why. I don't have control over LaNae’s fingerprints. Therefore, I can give this issue over to the Lord and trust him. I just received a phone call from the auto service department and we have a large repair bill on our car. These things have to get done, and again I can give this over to the Lord and trust him, that this is all under his sovereign control.

But what about the day to day things? Yesterday I came home and our garage door wasn’t working properly. The kids came out to meet me in the garage after I opened it with the garage door opener. It opened OK, but when I closed it I heard a bang that sound like someone threw a fast pitched baseball against our garage. The kids told me that “mommy ran into the garage,” and that’s why it wasn’t working right. As I think back over my response now, and in my heart there was anger and bitterness, “Why couldn’t she just look over her shoulder to see if the door was completely open?” I thought to myself. At that moment, why did I not stop and give thanks to the Lord for this opportunity to trust in his sovereign hand? Because, I still love to be “in control.” Deep down inside I feel like I can control every situation and if we just do the right things everything will turn out “right” and we won’t have any problems.

The story of Joseph supports the theological truth that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love him and are called according to His purpose. This includes those things we view as “small” things and the “big” things. The doctrine of God’s sovereignty must move from an intellectual understanding towards a practical reality for every believer in the Lord. I’m thankful – now - for the events that unfolded yesterday with the garage because it showed me the issue of “control” that still needs to be purged out of my heart. It taught me that a life of faith believes in the sovereignty of God both in the “small” and “big” things of life.

Walking by Faith, Part 2

Genesis 22:11 says, “But the angel of the LORD called to him from heaven and said, ‘Abraham, Abraham!’ And he said, ‘Here am I.’ 12) He said, ‘Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.’ 13) And Abraham lifted up his eyes looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14) So Abraham called the name of that place, ‘The LORD will provide’…”

Do I hold on to the child or do I hold on to the character of God? Do I obey God or do I obey my own desires? These were the questions Abraham was faced with. To what extent would he obey what the Lord was calling him to do? The passage is about a test, but not the kind of test that we frequently find in Scripture that introduces some type of adversity so that the believer is then called to respond in faith. This story calls the people of Israel to follow God at a whole new level. Egypt was comfortable. Even though they were in bondage under the Egyptians, at least they knew they would have food, shelter, and clothing. The Lord called them to leave the comforts of Egypt and go into a land that is unfamiliar and hostile to God. From a human perspective, it was a foolish thing for them to leave Egypt, travel through the wilderness, and go to unfamiliar land. But to what extent would the people of God obey? The story of Abraham would remind them not of Abraham’s faith, but more so of the Lord’s hand to provide. This would be an encouragement for the people of Israel to see their “father” exercise such faith. They were being called upon as a nation to exercise the same kind of faith as they wait to enter the Promised Land. Yes, throughout the story of Abraham, they watched a man who at times walked by faith and at other times walked by fear. When he trusted that God would provided he walked by faith, but when he was overcome by his fear he began to walk by sight (i.e. Genesis 16 and 20). The story of Genesis 22 is the climax of Abraham’s story (which began in Genesis 12, when God called him out of the comforts of Ur) when he finally resolved completely in his heart and mind that the LORD is a God who provides. Regardless of what situation he finds himself in, regardless of what God is calling him to do he believed that the LORD would provide. The reason for this is explained to us by the author of Hebrews, “By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God…By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son, of whom it was said, ‘Through Isaac shall your offspring be named.’ He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back…’” (Hebrews 11:9ff)

God calls his people, back then and even to this day, to obey him in ways that may seem foolish or baffling to you and to the rest of the world. We are called to make choices that to the world would seem inexplicable but to those walking closely with God seem right. God calls us to obey things that seem foolish to the world, but in the end He receives the glory in our steps of obedience. God is the giver of all good things. “Do I hold on to the child or hold on to the character of God? Do I obey God or do I obey my own desires?” God has to peal back each finger over the things of this world we hold onto so tightly. If anyone is inclined to be a true worshipper of the Lord, it will involve the willingness to sacrifice whatever is dearest and most treasured even if such sacrifice should be considered a gift from God (Luke 14:26-27).

Abraham is considered one of the many witnesses of Hebrews 11 that we are surrounded by. This is why the author of Hebrews then exhorts his readers to, “…lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely (sin that keeps us from living by faith), and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Heb 12:1-2). The cross looked like failure. It looked like foolishness and absurdity on the part of God to crush His own Son. But in actuality it displayed the fullness of God’s wisdom and power. It displayed the fullness of God’s glory. This is why Jesus was able to endure the cross with joy.


LaNae and I have felt over the last year to act upon what we believe the Lord is calling us to do, namely, international adoption. This is crazy in and of itself because of the cost of international adoption. Our faith was put to the test when we found out about twin 2 year old deaf girls from the Philippines in need of a home. First of all, to adopt one child is extremely expensive, let alone two. And we just do not have the cash flow to fund such a venture with our own resources. Secondly, the amount of work involved in adopting deaf children would seem overwhelming. This would require the whole family to learn sign language. This would require teaching the girls sign lanague once they are part of our family. Third, our kids right now are at a good age. They are manageable and are pretty capable of doing things on their own. We would have to start the whole process of parenting 2 year olds again. Sounds bizarre...yes, it does. But as we evaluated our family life, God has equipped us as a family to take on this challenge. What an opportunity to bring two children into our home who would not have the opportunity to hear the gospel audibly, yet hear it through sign language. What an opportunity to walk by faith. What an opportunity to see God glorified in our steps of obedience. It became clear to us that this was the road the Lord had for us; that our pursuit of adoption was bigger than our desire to make our family balanced (2 girls and 2 boys), it was about God's plan to expand His Kingdom. It seems “inexplicable”, but as I’ve learned from Genesis 22, “God calls his people to obey him in ways that seem inexplicable.”

I'm Back....

Many of you have either approached me personally or sent e-mail why I haven’t posted a blog entry for over 2 months now. One reason has to do with the busy ministry months of July and August. I questioned whether it was right for me to use my time posting blogs. I have 24 hours in a day (minus 5-8 for sleep) and because it takes quite a bit of thought for me to write, I didn’t think it was the best use of my time. A second reason has to do with whether or not this is an effective way to challenge, encourage, exhort, confront, etc… others in their walk with the Lord. A third reason has to do with the many blogs already out in the blogosphere related to spiritual things, the Bible, family life, parenting, theology, the gospel, etc… I didn’t think another one was needed. In fact I have a difficult time already finding time to read blogs that are challenging and thought provoking. But after the encouragement I received from many of you to keep blogging, I’ve resolved that this is a wise use of my time, and if what I post is helpful for one or two people, then its purpose is accomplished. So for the one or two of you that read this blog, stay posted for future entries.

"Do Hard Things"

I’m reading a book entitled Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris (younger brothers of Joshua Harris – Senior Pastor of Covenant Life Church and author of books such as Not Even a Hint; I Kissed Dating Goodbye etc…). This book is aimed primarily at the teen culture of today, but since I have been regularly meeting with teenagers and will be leading a team of teens this summer during one of our outreach events, I thought I should read something that may help me get in their world a little bit. As I started reading this book, I came to realize that parents should read this book well before their children become teenagers.

Let me give you a brief summary as to how this “do hard things movement” was started. During the summer of 2005 Alex and Brett Harris were unsure as to what to do with their summer. This was unusual for these young men because they were self motivated and had been taught to make good use of their time. In fact for years they were involved in debating and they often spent their summers doing research on particular topics of interest. On this particular summer, they were at a loss. Their parents challenged them that they needed to move on, but they were unsure as to what this would look like for them. Finally, their dad came to them with this statement, “I’m putting you two on an intense reading program this summer.” As he made this statement he placed a large stack of books on their kitchen counter. This stack included books that ranged from various topics such as: history, philosophy, theology, sociology, science, business, journalism, and globalization. During this process of reading they came up with this idea to start a blog to start sharing their thoughts and ideas. This is when they came up with the idea of challenging teens to rebel against the low expectations our culture places on them; and so the term rebelution was birthed. This word is a made up word and is a combination of the word rebel and revolution. The summer of 2005 started a growing movement of young people choosing to “do hard things” for the glory of God. Now Alex and Brett Harris take this message to do hard things to parent-teen conferences all across the nation.

This book captured my attention because I realized that the only reason why these young men are the way they are is because their father and mother didn’t buy into the lie of the so called “teenage” years. The parents of Alex and Brett Harris taught them that they would transition from boyhood to adulthood without the “teen” years. They didn’t buy into the lie that somehow the age of adolescence means a vacation from responsibility.

I was challenged by this book because I think this idea of doing hard things shouldn’t start during the “teen” years, but should start when our children are young. We expect so little of our children. We make excuses for their disobedience with the words like, “O, they must be tired.” Since when does being tired give anyone a license to be disobedient. Or when we ask our child to say hello to someone and they turn away. We make excuses for this child’s behavior by saying, “O is Johnny shy today…” NO Johnny is not shy he’s just plain rude, and he needs to be taught that rudeness is unkind. Since when is it ever appropriate for us to turn away and ignore someone who is trying to say hello to us? The easy thing to do is to excuse the child’s behavior, the hard thing to do is to make it a sinful heart issue and then have to discipline for it. Here’s another example; two of your children are fighting for the same toy. The easy thing to do in this situation is to give the toy to the one who was able to attain the toy first, but the hard thing to do is to evaluate the hearts of both children and ask why child number one is unwilling to give up his toy and evaluate why child number 2 wants to possess the toy so desperately. It’s a hard thing to think through these issues and then evaluate because after thinking through this particular scenario thoroughly the parent will have to conclude that both child is clearly displaying sinful actions that needs to be disciplined.

After being challenged by this book, we as a family have decided that we are going to do hard things this summer. Oh, we’ll have plenty of fun, but we are going to incorporate hard things with the fun. For example, one hard thing our children were challenged by already this summer is riding their bikes up the hill to grandma and grandpa’s house. They live on Browns Mountain so it is quite a ride up hill for these short legs. Last week was their first attempt, and they all succeeded with a little bit of encouragement. We went a second time this week, and they admitted it was a lot easier the second time compared to the first. Another hard thing I am asking the kids to do is to make friends with the kids in our new neighborhood. One of the things they have not been able to do in our previous neighborhood was make friends with neighborhood kids because there weren't any. Another hard thing the kids decided to do was start an early morning exercise program. They decided that they were going to follow mom and dad’s example and exercise every morning after they do their quiet times. They started jogging one mile a day. Cade wanted to step outside his comfort zone by requesting to take golf lessons. This summer Cade will take golf lessons for the first time. It’s a new sport for him, so it is a hard thing. He and I will also attempt to play 9 holes on a par 3 course after his one week lesson. This will be a hard thing for me; to try and coach him. Kailyn and Claire are going to be involved in competitive swimming this summer. All the kids will be required to read several classic books during the summer (LaNae is still working on their reading list). I have plans to read a book that is not theological or spiritual in nature called Escape from the Deep. It’s a WWII submarine story. This will be a different type of reading for me since I finished seminary. It will be hard, but I am looking forward to it. LaNae and I have started the hard road of adoption. We don’t know what to expect, completely, but we have prayed and sought the Lord regarding the next hard thing we were to do after we were done with seminary life, and the Lord keeps directing our hearts towards adoption. We registered, by faith, with an international adoption agency by paying the $200 registration fee this week. The average cost for an adoption from the Philippines is $20,000. Read LaNae’s blog for periodic updates on this topic.

Parents, let’s not waste our families life. Let’s challenge one another to begin a pattern of modeling the act of doing hard things for the glory of God before our children.

The Heart of Paul

Sunday nights is always a special time in the Sanchez family home. This is the one night of the week where we journal as a family what things we are thankful for. The topic of thankfulness has been brought out to the forefront of our minds in the past couple weeks because of our study through 1 Thessalonians. You can't walk away from this letter without realizing that Paul was a thankful person. In the opening chapter he tells the Thessalonian church that he (and his cohorts) gives thanks for the Thessalonian church in 3 ways. He says he gives thanks to God for them when he continually makes mention of them in his prayers. He says that the times he gives thanks for them is when he remembers their work produced by their faith, their labor produced by their love, and their perseverence produced by their hope in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Then he says that the reason he gives thanks for them is because he knows that they were chosen by God. And he knows they are chosen by God because they believed the gospel when it came to them and it changed their lives.

Last Friday we had the leaders of FBC's Family and Children's Ministry in our home for our final leadership dinner for the year. We had 11 couples in our home who serve as ministry leaders. As I was giving a short lesson on this passage on this particular night I looked througout that room and realized, these people emulate what Paul is describing in 1 Thessalonians 1:2-5. Every single one of our leaders have full time jobs and families to provide for and care for. Yet, they devote a large part of their week in leading Bible studies with the teachers in their department, caring for needs the teachers may have, and they make sure their department in Children's ministry is appropriately staffed so that Sunday mornings run smoothly.

Paul's words in 1 Thess 1:3-5 reminded me that I need to be constantly on the hunt to find things to be thankful for in my family and the people of FBC.

Practical Help on Prayer

One of the hardest things about our prayer life sometimes is that we don’t know what to pray for. And the reason we don’t know what to pray for is because we don’t have a plan. Here’s something I picked up from one of my mentors about 10 years ago and I still use it today. Normally, my prayer time begins with a short reading from the Psalm or a short reading anywhere in the Scriptures so as to get my heart engaged. Before I read, I say a short prayer, for example, “God opening the eyes of my heart so that I could learn great things about you.” Some of my favorite Psalms to go to are Psalm 19, 33, 23, 42, 63, any of the enthronement psalms (ie 95, 96) and 103 just to name a few. Sometimes I’ll read any short section in Isaiah 40 to 48. This is a great section of Scripture that speaks of the greatness of God and sovereignty of God. Reading a short section before I begin my time in prayer allows my mind to wander towards things pertaining to God. After my reading I’ll take a short pause just to think about what I just read and then I’ll start giving praise to God for His character based on the short reading. After my time of praise (or Adoration) I turn to confession. After adoration is a good time to confess my sins to God, because it allows me to look at my sin in relation to the character of God. Then I turn towards thanksgiving. This usually involves thanking God for my salvation. It’s always a good time to remind myself of how thankful I am for God’s saving grace after I confess my sins. Next I read a short section related to God’s goodness in the gospel. I usually will pull something out of Isaiah 53, Romans ch 5-8, 1 Peter ch 1 (just to name a few). This time is spent thanking God for the many things I can recall related to the salvation he has granted. After my time of Thanksgiving, I will start the supplication. This is when I take the time to pray for family, friends, missionaries, the church, the lost, government, etc… Below is a template I use for each day of the week. This keeps me from missing anyone that I want to regularly pray for. Give it a try and see if it helps.

Click on the image below for a larger view of this prayer template

The Ordination Process

Many of you have been asking why I haven’t had any posts for quiet some time. During the last couple of weeks I have been intensely studying for my ordination council which took place on March 18th. It was actually an encouraging time for LaNae, the kids, and me. It wrapped up the process of my training which started about 4 ½ years ago. I had forgotten that the training to full time ministry started that long ago. For those of you who may not know, I started off here at FBC as a Children’s Ministry resident. That was part of what was back then known as “The Men of God” program. The term “Men of God” was taken from 1 and 2 Timothy where Timothy was referred to by Paul as a man of God in a technical sense; namely, as a minister of the gospel. During those two years of serving as a resident I was taking correspondent courses through The Master’s Seminary (TMS). By the time I was done with my training here I had completed roughly 21 semester credits (which translated meant about a semester and a half of classes). The two year training program here was one of two stages towards the final stage of the ordination process. The purpose of those two years was for the elders of FBC to objectively determine whether or not I was called to full time ministry. They evaluated my character and my ministry skills, and at the end of those two years they affirmed my calling to ministry, and were supportive of my decision to attend TMS for further theological studies. Now, the moment of truth was here. Everything I had learned over the past 4 ½ years was going to be tested. Dan Jarms, John Smith, and Mike Rosario were the men I selected to be on my ordination council.

Each of these men played a significant role in my journey to full time ministry. John Smith (in the center) was perhaps the most influential person in shaping as a “man of God.” I met with him for over a period of 2 ½ years every Friday morning to be discipled in the word of God, in prayer, in leading my wife, and in shepherding my children. His aim during these meetings was not to convince me that I should pursue full time ministry, but rather to instill in me what the Scriptures say is a godly man. Mike Rosario (to the right) was also an influential person in shaping my character. His excitement over the study of the word of God instilled in me an excitement to study it for myself. He and his wife are dear friends of ours. His wife, Jill, is a dear friend to LaNae and our families try to get together at least once a year. Dan Jarms (to the left) served as my staff pastor while I was going through my residency program here at FBC. His road to full time ministry was very similar to mine in that he had been in a secular career for about 10 years before sensing the Lord’s call to full time ministry. One of the things that I appreciate most about Dan is his humility and his aim to seek for a balance. His encouragement to me has always been to develop a tight theological grid, but not to get hung up on preferential issues. This has been helpful for me as I grow in my understanding of what it means to be a pastor. Each of these men has played a key role in my life, and I was so thankful that the Lord allowed for all three to be part of this council.

Dan Jarms started off his 45 minute segment firing questions related to the Bible. His first question was “what is the theme of the Bible?” He then followed this up with, “how does each book of the Bible fit within that theme?” This was perhaps my favorite question because in preparing for this question it helped me see the overall picture of the Bible. This took about 15 minutes to do as I walked through each section of the Bible all the way to the book of Revelation describing the kingdom theme. Bruce Waltke’s book Old Testament Theology was helpful in helping me see the overall picture of the Bible. Next he asked me what the themes for several OT and NT books along with their outlines. And then he asked me state my position on key problem passages. He ended his questions with this one, “what does it mean in 1 Timothy that women will be saved through child birth.” To which I replied, “I don’t know.” That one slipped my mind as I studied through problem passages.

After the first 45 minute segment was complete we took a 15 minute break. I checked to see if I was dry under the arm pit, and sure enough I put the right deodorant on. Then again I realized John Smith had not had his turn yet. The 15 minutes were up and then John started firing away on question regarding systematic theology. His section was divided up into three segments. In the first segment he gave a key doctrine and then my responsibility was to come up with as many Scripture references as possible. For example, he stated, “the sovereignty of God” and then I had to come up with as many Scripture references as possible dealing with the Sovereignty of God. In the second segment he read three or four different paragraphs from different books. My responsibility was to identify the error in the statement and then correct it with what Scripture teaches. His reason for doing this stems from Titus 1:9 where elders are to be able to refute those who contradict the truth. In the final segment he asked me to define in one or two sentences theological terms with a couple of key Scripture references. I have to admit after the systematic theology section I was exhausted. I wasn’t sure if I had the endurance to go on the last section – practical theology.

Mike Rosario finished the final segment of the ordination council with question regarding practical theology. I was glad this was the last section of the council because it was refreshing to try and put practical application to all that I was rattling off in the first two segments. Mike took some scenarios from his own personal experience as a pastor. What I realized during this time is that there is not always one set of answer to each situation. Situation I will be faced with as a pastor will have its unique features that will be require delicate handling each time. Mike has been through many challenges as a young pastor and I appreciate his humility in how he dealt with many of the situations he faced.

After the men were done grilling me, they went into the other room and had a conference. To my surprise they came back with smiles on their face. Each man commented on what took place that afternoon, and gave me a word of exhortation and encouragement to continue to develop a tighter theological grid. The tone of the whole afternoon was very affirming and encouraging. At times during the final exhortations I was moved to tears because of the kind words these men were saying. I was humbled by each of their graciousness and thankful to the Lord for allowing me to be mentored by each of them.

That evening LaNae, the kids, and I enjoyed a quiet evening at home. We celebrated by going out to ice cream. The kids are glad to have daddy back. It’s hard to imagine that the training process is over. It seemed like those 4 ½ years flew by. But even though it seemed like it flew by, it was probably the hardest days of our married life. It was filled with many trials and many tears. It was filled with many nights crying out to the Lord for more grace to endure. It was filled with statements like, “why does daddy always have to study.” But I think I can speak on behalf of the family that though it was hard, we trust that God will use what we’ve learned for the sake of His Kingdom.

A Brief Personal History

It seems ironic to me that God would call me to full time ministry, not to mention the Family and Children's Pastor of FBC. But in the mind of God their is no such thing as "irony" but rather sovereign control over who He chooses to use for His purposes. I was born in a non-Christian home and was not exposed to the Gospel of Jesus Christ until I was 17 years old. I was married at the age of 21, and had no clue what it meant to be a Christian husband and father. I knew that I was suppose to be the spiritual leader of our home, but had no idea what that looked like. Needless to say the first six years of my marriage was rather rocky. After 6 years of marriage, a man named John Smith (really his name is John Smith, I'm not trying to protect his anonymity - see www.cohbc.org) took the risk of taking me under his wings and began discipling a man who was more or less set in his ways , particularly in the area of being a husband. His purpose for meeting with me, along with several other men, was simple: "Develop godly leaders." And the rest, he believed, God would take care of. My world was rocked when he patiently showed me in the Scriptures what it meant to be a spiritual leader. I realized then that during the first 6 years of our marriage I had it all wrong. It was during that time I asked for my wife's forgiveness in failing to spiritually lead her and told her that I wanted to lead our home the way God intended. She was shocked at this idea, and it took some time before she realized that I had every intention to lead our family biblically. But by God's grace I won her trust. In the seventh year of our marriage, God blessed us with our first child. Little did I know that leading a wife is one thing, but leading a family, whoa!!! now that's a whole new ball game. I have three children now, and have been married for seventeen years. I've made many mistakes along the way. I've failed in many ways as a husband and a father as well, but God is gracious to show me my failures, repent from them, make the needed changes, and cast myself again and again at the foot of the cross.